Tuesday, March 15, 2011

30 Days! More hopes and fears...

We are 30 days away from our due date! This is so exciting! I was talking to Kat last night and telling her how I just want to meet our baby already! I can't stand waiting at this point. (And not just because my belly now rests on my lap when I sit upright in a chair...) We want to see what she looks like, hear her voice, smell her (after they've wiped her down at least...), and just HOLD her!

I'm getting a little anxious about labor and the first few days, but not really. What I'm anxious about, more, is a little vain, actually. I am totally convinced that I am going to need a tummy tuck after this child-bearing business is all finished. Everyone in person keeps telling me, "Nahhh you haven't actually gained that much weight - your belly is big but the rest of you is the same," and "Don't worry I bet you'll be one of those people that just loses all the weight fast." Alex keeps telling me not to worry and I'll be back to prepregnancy size in no time. But trust me, the way my clothes fit, I can tell it's not just my belly that has expanded (and even if it was - all that skin!). I mean, I admit, I'm lucky that our doctor is a crazed psycho that monitors my diet and weight way more than anyone has ever heard of, because it's true that I haven't gained a TON of weight. But my butt and thighs are definitely more uh, sturdy..and my arms and back are notably fleshier (back fat is the WORST!). And (okay brace yourself or skip ahead because this part is totally gross) there's this band of flesh just under my belly and above my pubic area like where the waistband of normal people's low-rider jeans would go, that is like spongy and soft and totally pinch-able and it is NOT part of the hard, uterine, pregnancy belly. It is pure unadulterated FAT. And if everyone is really expecting that I'll just shrink back, oh God the pressure...

But I digress. Talking to Kat last night, I was telling her that okay, I have this really unavoidable pregnant belly that is 110% impossible to forget, but sometimes I still don't feel like all this is real. Like, I'm going to be a Mom. Alex is going to be a Dad. We're going to have a real, live, human baby in like less than a month. We're going to be parents FOREVER. This baby will grow up into a person. I look at my friends' kids that I've watched grow maybe over the past five or six years and I just can't imagine what our lives will look like in five or six years. I mean, really, every time I take a moment to think back even ONE year (no matter what time of year it is, not just on occasions), I realize I NEVER would have imagined that in just a year my life would look like this (whatever "this" is at the moment I have this periodic revelation). I can't even imagine what our day-to-day life will look like in two months, let alone a year. Life is amazing if you stop and let yourself get carried away with thinking about all this.

I fear what our society will look like in the future as Isabella grows up. Things were so much simpler when Alex and I were kids. I know that's true for every generation. I hope we can give her as much time to be a kid, be innocent, be carefree, as possible (without raising a totally clueless, spoiled brat of course). We really want to give her a childhood she can cherish and remember fondly. We were both lucky in that even though our parents may have had some harder times, and there were things we may have been aware of "before our time," we both had happy, healthy childhoods and in the end we always knew the security of unconditional love. In the end, that's all we really want for our daughter - health, happiness, security, and curiosity. The rest tends to take care of itself.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Photos from our two baby showers

Finally I put together a slide show! Thank you to everyone who came, and thank you for all the wonderful gifts!


Saturday, March 5, 2011

I feel much better..even though I feel much worse..

Isabella's room is coming together nicely. Alex drilled the holes for two of the three wall hanging areas (we have concrete walls), so there's a pretty picture of a purple flower above the changing table. Also there's a super pretty wall hanging with her name that Jess and Grace made hanging above her crib. I made a photo cluster of zoo animals (literally, photos of animals at the zoo we took a couple months ago) in lavendar frames that will go on the opposite wall. Soon, Alex will hang hooks on the wall next to her closet for things like diaper bags (and later, whatever she wants to hang, like a towel, or whatever). We had one baby shower last week Sunday, for our friends, and it was really fun! We got so much stuff. Our friends sure are generous! I was a little overwhelmed when we brought the stuff home and put it in her room to be put away and organized. I let it sit there for a few days before I got up the energy to put things where they belong. Also washed all her clothes that we got that day and that we've received since people found out we were pregnant. She already has so many clothes! Oh dear.

Work has calmed down a lot which is lucky because my symptoms are getting more and more difficult to cope with. The heartburn is still an issue but it's one I get around by mostly never eating later than 3 or 4 or 5 pm. Actually 5 pm is even a little too late but sometimes I just can't help it. I can't even have milk or other liquid except water. And even that, I have to drink most of my water during the day. I have become an avid fan of chewing ice at night. Don't tell my dentist.

But now that I've sort of figured a (pain in the ass) way around the heartburn/reflux issue, more issues are popping up. My feet swell to nearly TWICE their normal size if I'm on my feet for any length of time, OR if I'm sitting for any length of time without them being 100% elevated. So basically, they're always enormous. I actually had to call in sick to work on Friday because they were so swollen, and my legs and even my knees were swollen, so much so that walking to the car (heck, even to the bathroom), standing in the shower, anything, was super painful and my knees kept buckling. Add to that my chest has been hurting and feeling really tight and pressured, and breathing has become a chore, and I'm pretty much over this whole pregnancy experience. Sleep is the opposite of restful and I actually dread the effort every night, even though I'm exhausted. And maybe this is TMI but my groin area is in constant pain. Sharp, shooting pains spark through that area any time I try to move - getting out of bed, even turning over from my left to right or right to left in bed, getting out of the car, standing up, walking. And sometimes when I'm just sitting here, there's a pain there that is a cross between sharp and shooting but also throbbing.

So I went to the doctor on Friday, and all the answers were basically non-answers. The swelling isn't dangerous by itself, but they're watching my protein levels and blood pressure because of it. I got compression stockings for the swelling which are so ugly (but not any more ugly than disgustingly swollen sausage feet and legs), and help. Today in our prepared childbirth class, I was wearing them, and my feet started to swell anyway, which only made it more sore, because it was like when you tie a rubber band around your finger and watch it turn purple. But mostly they do help prevent the swelling from being totally excruciating. The chest pain and breathing stuff seemed to stump the doctor - obviously some breathlessness is normal on account of a baby leaving little room for lung expansion. But they said my breath sounds and cardiac sounds were okay, and they didn't know why I'm feeling tightness and pressure. I am to wait and see if it persists. Or call again if it gets really really really bad. Finally, I was told the groinal pain is normal and will probably get worse, due to loosening of the pelvic bones and joints. Yeah. I don't care what's normal. I care that I can't move without feeling like I'm ripping something apart.. We have another appointment on Tuesday so they are going to check everything again.

But as I was sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office, a woman who had just finished a post-partum check up came out, carrying her 6 week old son. So cute! So little! She sat in the waiting room after she was done because she wanted to feed him before he got fussy, and we ended up chatting. She told me that she completely hated her whole entire pregnancy experience. The whole time. 100%. She wanted to be that woman who is glowing and happy and appreciative of the miracle happening inside. But, she said, she had every bad symptom possible, and had it intensely. She said she was so over it that when her son was born she didn't even miss feeling him inside of her. She was just glad to be done. I feel so much less like an awful, negative person and bad mommy now! Like, yes! Someone out there also felt the whole time like it sucked! Well for me, it's not the whole time. I have good days (or, I did - it's been a while). And I still am fascinated by Isabella's movements and I know I will miss it. But other than that, there is nothing fun about this! And it's not just because I'm a wuss!

AND, she said that during her pregnancy she gained 60 pounds. SIXTY. Six - Zero. And I am sitting here looking at this woman going, you're not even big right now. Only 6 weeks later. She was a little fleshy and pudgy in spots (there's always that mommy pooch on your tummy), but not overweight and definitely did not look like she had gained 60 pounds during her pregnancy. Unless she was like anorexic thin when she got pregnant. But she said she was definitely "in trouble" with our Nazi doctor with her weight gain which tells me she wasn't supposed to gain 60 pounds. So even though I've gained past my "allowed" 25 pounds already (so far have gained about 30 pounds), I don't feel like a total hippopotamus (as long as I don't look at photos of myself..). And seeing that she still looks normal even though she gained 60 pounds, gives me hope that I won't be an oompah-loompah for very long after Isabella pops out. This lady wasn't even breastfeeding, and I (hopefully) will be, so that will help even more!

We have like 5 more weeks to go. We have the family baby shower tomorrow which should be fun. And then we have to sort of make sure and buy the rest of the stuff that we don't receive, and finish her room. Install the car seat. Little things around the house to get out of the way. Pack the bag for the hospital. I feel like there's more that I'm totally forgetting. Hmmm...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

February is always intense. I don't know why, really. At our last appointment, I got a bit of a scolding for gaining too fast again, but the doctor also hinted that Isabella is a little larger than average, not just me.

My birthday this year was probably the simplest one I've had, ever, really. Alex kept asking what I wanted or wanted to do - really, I didn't want anything. He's so sweet though, he bought me roses that he surprised me with (I came home to them on the table), and gave me Seasons 5 and 6 of House MD, and on my actual birthday we got to spend the day together just relaxing, walking around Ala Moana, and spending time together. That's really all I wanted. We had a late lunch/early dinner with Mom and Nick at The Pineapple Room which was delicious.

Naturally I paid for it violently, later. Even with my careful timing (we had lunch about 3pm so that I wouldn't have reflux all night, nor would I get totally hungry before I went to bed early), I still woke with forceful gastrointestinal repercussions. I suspect that I am truly intolerant of avocado - I had a Cobb sandwich with avocado. I've had problems with avocado in the past, but usually we were able to at least co-exist, while perhaps disgruntled-ly. I sure hope Isabella doesn't have issues with avocado - she will be Mexican after all, and I believe it would be tragic for any Mexican, even a half-breed of sorts, to be gastrointestinally intolerant of such a staple.

Valentine's day was just as simple. In fact, Alex and I didn't really see each other at all. I started work at 6:45am and he worked the night before so he was asleep when I left (along with most of the rest of the island!) and was scheduled until 6:15pm. Even if I had gotten out of work on time (I was over an hour late), we would have missed each other, because he started at 6pm. But the next day we spent as our Valentine's day. We went to Sea Life Park, which we've been talking about doing for so long! We got to see the dolphin show of course. It was a hundred times better when I was a kid, but that's ok. It was still pretty entertaining. We also got to hang around the loud and smelly sea lions, got some pictures of penguins (my favorite!) and saw another animal show featuring penguins, sea lions and bottle nosed dolphins.

Work has been absolutely insane for me. I'm on a new, experimental schedule: 11.5 hour scheduled days but only 4 days per week and off for 3 days. Sounds like a long day, but if it stays within the scheduled times it's not too bad. The thing is, at work we've been switching our entire operating system from one that was designed to take reservations and dispatch transportation around the time of the Titanic to one that was designed much more recently - but still has so many bugs that it rivals Joe's Apartment. This is resulting in everyone in our department working zombie hours. There was one night that one of my supervisors literally stayed overnight. And did not sleep. The regular staff has all been putting in insane hours. Full timers are getting tons of overtime, and part timers are working close to 40 hours per week. It helps to know that everyone is contributing and working their butts off, like a team, but it's definitely wearing all of us down. Everyone is snappy and groggy and deliriously giggly at different times. Our brains are for sure fried. This also means that my 11.5 hour days have become 12 to 13, one night 14, hour days without the scheduled lunch break. (Don't worry, I eat and feed Isabella - it's just in between phone calls and radio checks and money deposits.) Depending on how fast we can get this system completely switched over, I'm thinking this experimental schedule just won't quite work for me...or for Bella.

So that's February so far. We still have so much to do! We have to hang photos on her walls, install the car seat in my car, we have a baby shower to look forward to, interviewing and picking pediatricians, and the baby classes we've signed up for! Not to mention all the little things we still have to get! Physically I am so very ready for her to pop out. Logistically, I wish we had 3 more months! But it sure is getting to be exciting! I can't wait to meet her, see what she looks like, hear her little voice. Hurry up Isabella!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Going to pop soon!...

There's not much more stretching my belly can do - or at least that's how it feels! My belly button keeps getting shallower and shallower - today it's pretty much flat and starting to turn inside out. Does that mean the turkey's about done? Well I hope we make it to the end of March - but as soon as we pass that last week in March I am totally ready to meet Isabella! (Our birthing classes go until the end of March, and we are still interviewing pediatricians - it's been hard to get an appointment in before April.)

Here are the latest photos - taken yesterday, February 8th.


Monday, February 7, 2011

TRUTH: Chivalry is Dead

For any curious new pregnant ladies, or women for whom pregnancy may be on the horizon: If you think that your protruding pregnant belly and cute waddle will afford you extra politeness and courtesy from other people (strangers) you're WRONG. No, no, even the men will ignore your condition with absurd indifference.

Alex and I were waiting in line for something a few weeks ago, outdoors, and along the line were a few benches. Not a single person offered to get up for me. (Pictures will be posted soon to show how painfully obvious my pregnant belly is.) "In Mexico, every one of these guys would have gotten up for you by now," he commented. Yes, even young, military-level-fit men were sitting and pretending not to see me. It has also happened in restaurants waiting for our table. Normally I don't mind too much (Alex gets more disgusted than I do - I have less and less expectations of people as I get older haha). I don't expect the world to revolve around this baby bump just because my world does. But it is interesting to observe - they don't just not give way - they purposely avoid eye contact, as if they know they should offer to get up and feel bad not doing it - oh but not bad enough to do it.

Every day at work, walking on a (fairly wide) sidewalk, I always walk all the way to the right side of the walkway. People walking in groups or just walking in the middle generally don't want to give way. Men and women alike. Mind you, on one side of the sidewalk is bushes and on the other is sand. People unapologetically bump into me as we pass, or will only move more to their half of the sidewalk if I literally stop walking and stand still (even then they sometimes still bump into me). And when they do bump into me, about 50% of the time I'll get nasty looks, as if because I'm in uniform and at work, by default I should be the one to jump into the bushes to get out of their way.

Today at work on our trolley a man sat in the reserved-for-escort seat, and his 12ish-year-old son sat across the aisle from him directly behind the driver. Both chairs are designed to seat two people. When I asked them to sit together so that I could sit in my reserved-for-escort seat, both of them looked at me blankly at first and then grumbled. They were seated and I was standing during this short exchange, which put the Bella Belly more or less at eye-level. This was after I had seated myself on the ground of the trolley riding between one stop and the next to test if either one of them would move on their own.

I have joked that women want equal rights which apparently includes the death of the expectation that men will give up seats for us, open doors for us, blahblah. In general, I feel that chivalry like this is nice but more like a "bonus." It's just that sometimes it's amazing how completely self-centered and inconsiderate people can be, and knowingly so. Sad truth.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Isabella's first Punahou Carnival (sort of)!

This weekend is Punahou Carnival! Even though I don't want to send Isabella to Punahou (as if we could anyway), I do want her to experience Carnival every year, so this year I am going TWICE! Given my gastric limitations, I have to space out all the food I miss all year long and catch up on at Carnival.

Last night I went with Grace and Jess, and we met up with Christina and her mom for a little bit. This is literally what we did, in order, from when we got there, about 8:00, till closing at 11:00: Walk from the car up in Manoa, met with Christina, went to the bathroom (pregnant bladder, you know), bought and ate Taco Salad, bought and ate deep fried Oreos, got our faces painted, bathroom again, hand-dipped ice cream on the go, teriburgers, games. Grace got us addicted to game after game, first the Chip 2 Plates in 1 Throw game (we didn't win), then the Pop 3 in the Square dart game (we won a lot after we figured out how to cheat). But the night was mostly focused on food. Tonight I'm bringing tupperware for the Portuguese bean soup (thanks for the idea, Sari)!

Isabella seemed to love all the food I was crowding her with - and by that I mean it was worth fighting the crowds, allll the walking I was doing (on my feet all day at work, then walking all night - I EARNED all that junk food!), and the excruciating walk back UP to the car (parking above campus - what was I thinking?!), not to mention the gastric punishment I would suffer all night as the acid and reflux attacked despite downing Gaviscon and "sleeping" sitting up.

Funny, as we were weaving our way through the crowds I kept forgetting that the usual, turn-sideways-to-fit-through-a-narrow-gap-between-people strategy wouldn't really work for me - whoops I just got wider, not narrower! And Jess is so little I made her walk in front of me most of the time to "practice" not losing a child in the crowd! Haha, she wouldn't let me hold her hand though.

I will admit though, watching all the parents of young kids and babies - this is going to be my last stress-free Carnival...