Dear Isabella,
You had your first cold earlier this week. Poor little Bean. Your nose was runny and your eyes were watery and you felt warm (thermometer said no fever though - just like me and Grandma when we're sick too). You couldn't sleep and you wanted your pacifier but you kept dropping it because you had to breathe through your mouth.
And poor Daddy - he slept in the living room to be closer to your room because you kept waking up.
Luckily you got better really quick, and now you're back to your old self. When you weren't feeling well you still weren't very fussy anyway! Just a little less smiley and a little more tired and needing cuddles.
You're such a trooper! I'm glad you're better my dear.
Love you!
Mommy
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Hello, Orange!
Dear Isabella,
You had another great weekend, sweet Bean! You spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa Nick's house on Saturday and when you came home to me and Daddy you spent the whole day playing with us. You practiced your rolling over of course, and practiced sitting up with me and Daddy. You're getting stronger every day!
You also pet Orange all by yourself for the first time! He jumped up on the couch while you were up there with me and Daddy and instead of running away when he saw you he sat and looked at you. You reached out with both your hands and he let you touch him - you even sort of hit him once or twice before we stopped you. But he didn't mind at all. Then you sort of grabbed a fistful of fur and started pulling so we put an end to that! But it was nice to see him so tolerant and you were so curious! Just try not to pull his fur or tail ok? And stay away from his paws - he doesn't like to hold hands like we do.
Well my Bean, you're in bed now and hopefully you sleep all night. You were pretty tired before your bath. I love you!
Love,
Mommy
You had another great weekend, sweet Bean! You spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa Nick's house on Saturday and when you came home to me and Daddy you spent the whole day playing with us. You practiced your rolling over of course, and practiced sitting up with me and Daddy. You're getting stronger every day!
You also pet Orange all by yourself for the first time! He jumped up on the couch while you were up there with me and Daddy and instead of running away when he saw you he sat and looked at you. You reached out with both your hands and he let you touch him - you even sort of hit him once or twice before we stopped you. But he didn't mind at all. Then you sort of grabbed a fistful of fur and started pulling so we put an end to that! But it was nice to see him so tolerant and you were so curious! Just try not to pull his fur or tail ok? And stay away from his paws - he doesn't like to hold hands like we do.
Well my Bean, you're in bed now and hopefully you sleep all night. You were pretty tired before your bath. I love you!
Love,
Mommy
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Dear Isabella - trying to catch up!
Dear Isabella,
Oh my dear. I keep falling further and further behind in my posts. Guess what, sweetie! You're turning over (and over and over and over) like a pro now! And you can swim yourself in circles on your blanket on the floor too. Daddy and I got a new entertainment center (actually a dresser) so you can't get into the DVDs and electronics when you start to crawl.
You still haven't sprouted your first tooth but you're sure working on it. I can tell some days your gums are just so, so itchy. You want to put everything in your mouth all the time!
You're much more aware and interested in things lately - if that was even possible. You've always been an alert little Curious George. Your personality shows more and more each day, and once you've made up your mind about something you're pretty hard to convince otherwise - if you're hungry, you're HUNGRY and if you want a particular toy a substitute will only distract for a few seconds.
You keep going through different sleep stages. This week you've been a great sleeper, waking up only once or not at all, and even then only for your pacifier. But I know that won't last long - you keep tricking us into thinking you've learned to sleep through the night only to start waking up several times a night for a week or two!
I have to bathe you in the big person tub now (even though we put your baby tub inside the big person tub and use that), because you're such a daredevil. You can't quite sit up by yourself yet but you can get yourself into the sitting position from semi-reclined (like you are in the baby tub) and then all bets are off as to what direction you'll launch yourself. Bathing you up high in the kitchen sink was getting too risky. And now you love your bath so much! You could kick kick kick in the water all night if I let you.
In fact your feet and legs are always on the go! You are going to be a soccer player or kick boxer or just a really good hopscotch-er or something, I think. And you twirl your feet in the air in circles. When you're excited or upset you kick kick kick! I bet you're going to have pretty dramatic tantrums!
When I hold you before I put you in bed at night I look down and think how amazing you are. It is just mind-blowing that you are growing so fast! You're very tall. Your cute little hands with the dimples where your knuckles should be, resting on my hand or arm, I want to capture that forever. Your contented sigh as you fall into dreamland makes me feel so good. That and your cute little laugh.
You're 5 months old, my girl. You are still such a happy baby. I love you so much. I don't know if you'll ever really know how much I love you - maybe if you have a little girl of your own one day, you'll understand what I really mean.
Love always,
Mommy
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
FOUR months?!
Dear Isabella,
I don't think I can keep up! I only wrote you one letter in July. It's much harder now that I'm back at work. I want to spend all my time off enjoying you (or enjoying sleep, if you're at Grandma's house...) and making memories. But I do have to remind myself to stop in here a little more often so I can remember those memories later. :)
You are growing so fast. I know I say that all the time. But it's just too true. You have your FOUR month check up this coming Saturday. All through July when people ask me how old my baby is, I told them, "Oh about three months old." Now BAM! you're already four months old.
You're much bigger. Even Auntie Gladys said when I picked you up today that you grew so much in the two weeks she was on vacation. When we have you in the swing or bouncer we have to make sure you're buckled in very securely - or you'll pull yourself up trying to sit forward! You've been practicing rolling over, and today Auntie Gladys said you rolled over from your back to your tummy all by yourself. I think you've done that at Grandma and Grandpa's house a couple times too - but not at home yet.
Daddy has been teaching you how to pick up your pacifier and put it in your own mouth - you're slowly getting it. But you're having trouble aiming it so the right part goes in your mouth! It's so fun to watch you get better day by day though.
Speaking of getting better...you were sick for a couple weeks recently. Out of nowhere you suddenly had the runs! And at first Daddy and I weren't too worried - little kids and babies have that all the time. Also, it really didn't seem to bother you at all. But after a week, it didn't get better by itself, and we took you to the doctor. When we saw that the pediatrician was worried, that's when we got worried. They ran some tests and everything came back negative! Nobody knew what was wrong. We switched your formula (again!) and it seemed to get better but by then it had already been almost two weeks so we weren't sure if it was just coincidence and timing. Plus, you seemed to have a little bit of a sore tummy on the soy formula, and you weren't sleeping as well. So just to see, we switched back and it turns out it must have just been timing. You're much better now and back to normal.
Except for your bedtime. It took a little while longer to get you back on a regular eating schedule - when you were having the runs you also got your eating all messed up. And because your eating was all funny, you kept waking up in the night hungry - you haven't done that in at least a month! (Just when I was telling everyone how amazing it was that you sleep from 8pm to 6am...) So Daddy and I asked Grandpa and Grandma and Auntie Gladys to help us keep you on a new eating and napping schedule to try and get your back on track. We are making slow progress with your night time sleep.
You also started laughing! Your laugh is so cute! We have a couple videos of you giggling at Daddy and I watch them over and over. Hearing you laugh makes a bad day not matter. Just like seeing your big, big smile in the morning makes it easier to wake up no matter how tired I am.
You really are growing and learning so fast, my girl. You reach for things and grab them like a pro. You're starting to learn your own name. It's amazing how fast time has passed - it feels like just yesterday you were this tiny little wiggle worm sleeping next to me in your bassinet, but at the same time it feels like two lifetimes ago that we just brought you home. You're only four months old but I already sometimes miss when you were littler - like when you slept next to me. Please don't grow too quickly my little Bean. I need to slow time down. I want to never forget how precious it is when your teeny tiny little hand rests on my arm as you fall asleep, or how strong your grip is when you clasp your hand around my finger when you have your bottle. I always want to remember the sound of your little voice around a big yawn, and the funny little gasp with raised eyebrows when I pour warm water over you to rinse you at the end of the bath. I try to memorize the silly way you put your feet together like praying hands and the way you grab at your toes, and how if I put my finger in your hand at night it calms you down.
I love you so much and I am excited to see you grow and get to know what kind of person you are going to be, but don't be in any kind of rush, okay? Let's enjoy the ride together. You'll always be my baby girl.
Love you too much,
Mommy
I don't think I can keep up! I only wrote you one letter in July. It's much harder now that I'm back at work. I want to spend all my time off enjoying you (or enjoying sleep, if you're at Grandma's house...) and making memories. But I do have to remind myself to stop in here a little more often so I can remember those memories later. :)
You are growing so fast. I know I say that all the time. But it's just too true. You have your FOUR month check up this coming Saturday. All through July when people ask me how old my baby is, I told them, "Oh about three months old." Now BAM! you're already four months old.
You're much bigger. Even Auntie Gladys said when I picked you up today that you grew so much in the two weeks she was on vacation. When we have you in the swing or bouncer we have to make sure you're buckled in very securely - or you'll pull yourself up trying to sit forward! You've been practicing rolling over, and today Auntie Gladys said you rolled over from your back to your tummy all by yourself. I think you've done that at Grandma and Grandpa's house a couple times too - but not at home yet.
Daddy has been teaching you how to pick up your pacifier and put it in your own mouth - you're slowly getting it. But you're having trouble aiming it so the right part goes in your mouth! It's so fun to watch you get better day by day though.
Speaking of getting better...you were sick for a couple weeks recently. Out of nowhere you suddenly had the runs! And at first Daddy and I weren't too worried - little kids and babies have that all the time. Also, it really didn't seem to bother you at all. But after a week, it didn't get better by itself, and we took you to the doctor. When we saw that the pediatrician was worried, that's when we got worried. They ran some tests and everything came back negative! Nobody knew what was wrong. We switched your formula (again!) and it seemed to get better but by then it had already been almost two weeks so we weren't sure if it was just coincidence and timing. Plus, you seemed to have a little bit of a sore tummy on the soy formula, and you weren't sleeping as well. So just to see, we switched back and it turns out it must have just been timing. You're much better now and back to normal.
Except for your bedtime. It took a little while longer to get you back on a regular eating schedule - when you were having the runs you also got your eating all messed up. And because your eating was all funny, you kept waking up in the night hungry - you haven't done that in at least a month! (Just when I was telling everyone how amazing it was that you sleep from 8pm to 6am...) So Daddy and I asked Grandpa and Grandma and Auntie Gladys to help us keep you on a new eating and napping schedule to try and get your back on track. We are making slow progress with your night time sleep.
You also started laughing! Your laugh is so cute! We have a couple videos of you giggling at Daddy and I watch them over and over. Hearing you laugh makes a bad day not matter. Just like seeing your big, big smile in the morning makes it easier to wake up no matter how tired I am.
You really are growing and learning so fast, my girl. You reach for things and grab them like a pro. You're starting to learn your own name. It's amazing how fast time has passed - it feels like just yesterday you were this tiny little wiggle worm sleeping next to me in your bassinet, but at the same time it feels like two lifetimes ago that we just brought you home. You're only four months old but I already sometimes miss when you were littler - like when you slept next to me. Please don't grow too quickly my little Bean. I need to slow time down. I want to never forget how precious it is when your teeny tiny little hand rests on my arm as you fall asleep, or how strong your grip is when you clasp your hand around my finger when you have your bottle. I always want to remember the sound of your little voice around a big yawn, and the funny little gasp with raised eyebrows when I pour warm water over you to rinse you at the end of the bath. I try to memorize the silly way you put your feet together like praying hands and the way you grab at your toes, and how if I put my finger in your hand at night it calms you down.
I love you so much and I am excited to see you grow and get to know what kind of person you are going to be, but don't be in any kind of rush, okay? Let's enjoy the ride together. You'll always be my baby girl.
Love you too much,
Mommy
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Growing so fast!
Dear Isabella,
I owe you so many letters! Oh boy, baby, life has been moving at such a fast pace - and so has your growth and development!
You became three months old recently - on July 7th! THREE months old! Where did time go? When you were just weeks old and I was struggling not to lose my mind from the lack of sleep and not knowing at all what I was doing, everyone told me, it gets better, she's going to grow up too fast, time flies! I thought they were nuts. But they were more than right. It seems like a lifetime ago that you were sleeping in the bassinet wherever we put you - next to our bed, in the living room, you name it. Back then you drank your bottles in such a hurry, and now you usually take your time and sometimes it's even hard to get you to focus and finish your meal!
You had your second set of shots too. Those were not nearly as hard for you as the first set. We gave you Tylenol right away, for one thing, and also the ones you had this time tend to have less difficult reactions. Whew!
In just the past couple of weeks you've hit some milestones that for us, are amazingly significant! Now you're able to grab things on purpose, with both hands - and you sure do it a lot. You love sitting in your bouncer because the toys that hang above you are in reaching distance. This is also why your swing has become your second favorite (as opposed to your very very favorite like before) place to play. The toys that hang from that you only can look at. But your most favorite toy of all is the little ball Daddy and I bought for you from Thinker Toys! It looks like this except it's blue and pink:
This ball helped you really really learn to grab and hold, grab and let go, grab and lift, and lately you have been just completely determined to find a way to fit that whole ball in your mouth. Never mind that it is the size of your head! In fact you are getting so good at grabbing things and picking them up on purpose that yesterday you actually picked up your own pacifier and tried to put it back in your mouth! Daddy and I took you to Zippy's so we could have some lunch, and you spit out your pacifier into your lap. You looked at it, picked it up, and kept trying to put it in your mouth. Well you couldn't quite aim it and kept ending up with your fist in your mouth instead (another favorite) but it was still fun to watch you start trying this new trick!
You're really good at sitting up! We still have to hold you up but your neck is so strong and your balance is really good too. You also love when we hold you up in a standing position. You are such a strong girl!
You have also discovered that your hands and feet actually belong to YOU! You absolutely love pulling on your own toes. And sometimes I see you holding your hand in front of your face, watching it wiggle and move like you're figuring out all the stuff your hands can do. My favorite thing you do with your hands is still when you hold my fingers, though. When you're having your bottle, you usually grip my finger or thumb, or one with each hand - and you hang on super tight! I love it. Sometimes you're tired at the end of the day but you aren't quite ready for bed. So you just like to hang out, sitting on my lap or lying in your crib, holding my finger.
Yup, I said lying in your crib. We moved you into your own room, big girl! First we moved your bassinet in there, and you still slept in the bassinet. But after a couple nights we put you to bed in your crib and you never once complained! It's so great that you are making these transitions so easily - I think it was harder for me than for you! The first couple of nights, I felt lonely when I went to bed. But Daddy moved your rocking chair into your room, and an old comfortable chair I had from when I lived by myself. So now you have all kinds of comfy things in your room! And we feed you in the rocking chair and we have your bed time routine completely figured out.
Around 7:30 (sometimes earlier or later depending on how tired you are), I start your bath. After your bath you have your last bottle for the night. At the end of the bottle you are sleepy but not asleep yet, so I swaddle you (still) and sometimes I rock you, if you need it. But sometimes I just put you in the crib and you drift off on your own. Usually by the time 8:30 rolls around you are sound asleep. Speaking of swaddling, usually by the time you wake up in the morning, you've managed to get at least one if not both of your arms out, and usually your right leg is also out. It's pretty funny actually. And you're getting better about not knocking out your own pacifier. But without swaddling you still wake yourself up every hour or so, so we're going to keep doing it till you don't need it and you don't want it. That's what the doctor said - you will let us know when to stop. With the swaddle you sleep till about 5:30 every morning - that's NINE hours straight! Sometimes you wake up around 3 or 4, but you just want your pacifier and you're back asleep before I'm even outside your room. I don't mind waking up to do that once or twice a night, especially since it's not every night.
I love watching you sleep. Your long, long eyelashes rested on your soft skin, with your chubby cheeks and sweet little mouth. When I look at you sleeping I wish I could gather you up and sleep with you like you were my teddy bear, that's how cute you are.
You're also smiling and talking so much now! Sometimes you squeal and shriek like you're experimenting with what kind of sounds you can make. You also have been making this weird growling-grunting noise lately. At first we thought you were trying to poop! But I think you're just loving that you can make all kinds of noises.
You get so much attention when we go out. Maybe I'm just being a big-headed mommy, but I think people tell us how pretty and cute (and the phrase "perfect looking" has been used by multiple strangers) more than with other babies! People really think you are so charming! They also tell us how good you are, if they spend any time with us at all. You are so mellow when we go out and people are amazed at how you'll just sit there and be totally happy watching everything. We had a meeting with our photographers for our wedding yesterday, and it was over an hour long! We were at Starbucks and you were totally happy just sitting there the whole time - some of the time in your carrier, and some time on Daddy's lap, and finally you ended up on my lap - where you fell asleep. You really are such an easy-going kid in a lot of ways. You still get overstimulated sort of easily but at three months that's normal. Also you get overheated a little more easily than other babies, but not like when you were a newborn!
I'm so proud of you, my little angel. My favorite time of day is bath and bed time. It's like our private, sweet, together time. I love watching you go from excited and playful to calm, content, and relaxed. It makes me feel good to be able to help you feel good.
More changes are coming to our lives, my baby! You'll have Daddy around more - he is leaving Senor Frogs to work for Atlantis as the cruise manager on the Navatek I. That's where I used to work. Daddy's new job will be much less hours than at Senor Frog's. But hopefully he can still keep in touch and keep hanging out with his friends from Frogs because those uncles sure do love you! Especially Uncle Anwar and Uncle Chavo. Mommy will have a new job soon too! I'm leaving Atlantis Submarines to work at UHA Health. Hopefully this will be a place Mommy can stay at for a long time and make a good regular daily and weekly routine for you. That way also I'll be off on the weekends which is important when you start school.
School seems like a loooooong way off, but at the rate time is passing, it will feel like no time at all! Don't grow up too fast my sweet pea. I want to savor each and every moment of your baby-hood. Each little change and milestone and development of your personality. That's part of why I haven't been blogging as much - I'm too busy making sure I am in the moment with you whenever we are together, so I can remember all the little details and all the wonderful feelings you give me. But I should get better about it again - I have to write everything down so I can remember forever!
I love you, Isabella. More than anything in the world and everything in the world all put together.
Love love love,
Mommy
I owe you so many letters! Oh boy, baby, life has been moving at such a fast pace - and so has your growth and development!
You became three months old recently - on July 7th! THREE months old! Where did time go? When you were just weeks old and I was struggling not to lose my mind from the lack of sleep and not knowing at all what I was doing, everyone told me, it gets better, she's going to grow up too fast, time flies! I thought they were nuts. But they were more than right. It seems like a lifetime ago that you were sleeping in the bassinet wherever we put you - next to our bed, in the living room, you name it. Back then you drank your bottles in such a hurry, and now you usually take your time and sometimes it's even hard to get you to focus and finish your meal!
You had your second set of shots too. Those were not nearly as hard for you as the first set. We gave you Tylenol right away, for one thing, and also the ones you had this time tend to have less difficult reactions. Whew!
In just the past couple of weeks you've hit some milestones that for us, are amazingly significant! Now you're able to grab things on purpose, with both hands - and you sure do it a lot. You love sitting in your bouncer because the toys that hang above you are in reaching distance. This is also why your swing has become your second favorite (as opposed to your very very favorite like before) place to play. The toys that hang from that you only can look at. But your most favorite toy of all is the little ball Daddy and I bought for you from Thinker Toys! It looks like this except it's blue and pink:
This ball helped you really really learn to grab and hold, grab and let go, grab and lift, and lately you have been just completely determined to find a way to fit that whole ball in your mouth. Never mind that it is the size of your head! In fact you are getting so good at grabbing things and picking them up on purpose that yesterday you actually picked up your own pacifier and tried to put it back in your mouth! Daddy and I took you to Zippy's so we could have some lunch, and you spit out your pacifier into your lap. You looked at it, picked it up, and kept trying to put it in your mouth. Well you couldn't quite aim it and kept ending up with your fist in your mouth instead (another favorite) but it was still fun to watch you start trying this new trick!
You're really good at sitting up! We still have to hold you up but your neck is so strong and your balance is really good too. You also love when we hold you up in a standing position. You are such a strong girl!
You have also discovered that your hands and feet actually belong to YOU! You absolutely love pulling on your own toes. And sometimes I see you holding your hand in front of your face, watching it wiggle and move like you're figuring out all the stuff your hands can do. My favorite thing you do with your hands is still when you hold my fingers, though. When you're having your bottle, you usually grip my finger or thumb, or one with each hand - and you hang on super tight! I love it. Sometimes you're tired at the end of the day but you aren't quite ready for bed. So you just like to hang out, sitting on my lap or lying in your crib, holding my finger.
Yup, I said lying in your crib. We moved you into your own room, big girl! First we moved your bassinet in there, and you still slept in the bassinet. But after a couple nights we put you to bed in your crib and you never once complained! It's so great that you are making these transitions so easily - I think it was harder for me than for you! The first couple of nights, I felt lonely when I went to bed. But Daddy moved your rocking chair into your room, and an old comfortable chair I had from when I lived by myself. So now you have all kinds of comfy things in your room! And we feed you in the rocking chair and we have your bed time routine completely figured out.
Around 7:30 (sometimes earlier or later depending on how tired you are), I start your bath. After your bath you have your last bottle for the night. At the end of the bottle you are sleepy but not asleep yet, so I swaddle you (still) and sometimes I rock you, if you need it. But sometimes I just put you in the crib and you drift off on your own. Usually by the time 8:30 rolls around you are sound asleep. Speaking of swaddling, usually by the time you wake up in the morning, you've managed to get at least one if not both of your arms out, and usually your right leg is also out. It's pretty funny actually. And you're getting better about not knocking out your own pacifier. But without swaddling you still wake yourself up every hour or so, so we're going to keep doing it till you don't need it and you don't want it. That's what the doctor said - you will let us know when to stop. With the swaddle you sleep till about 5:30 every morning - that's NINE hours straight! Sometimes you wake up around 3 or 4, but you just want your pacifier and you're back asleep before I'm even outside your room. I don't mind waking up to do that once or twice a night, especially since it's not every night.
I love watching you sleep. Your long, long eyelashes rested on your soft skin, with your chubby cheeks and sweet little mouth. When I look at you sleeping I wish I could gather you up and sleep with you like you were my teddy bear, that's how cute you are.
You're also smiling and talking so much now! Sometimes you squeal and shriek like you're experimenting with what kind of sounds you can make. You also have been making this weird growling-grunting noise lately. At first we thought you were trying to poop! But I think you're just loving that you can make all kinds of noises.
You get so much attention when we go out. Maybe I'm just being a big-headed mommy, but I think people tell us how pretty and cute (and the phrase "perfect looking" has been used by multiple strangers) more than with other babies! People really think you are so charming! They also tell us how good you are, if they spend any time with us at all. You are so mellow when we go out and people are amazed at how you'll just sit there and be totally happy watching everything. We had a meeting with our photographers for our wedding yesterday, and it was over an hour long! We were at Starbucks and you were totally happy just sitting there the whole time - some of the time in your carrier, and some time on Daddy's lap, and finally you ended up on my lap - where you fell asleep. You really are such an easy-going kid in a lot of ways. You still get overstimulated sort of easily but at three months that's normal. Also you get overheated a little more easily than other babies, but not like when you were a newborn!
I'm so proud of you, my little angel. My favorite time of day is bath and bed time. It's like our private, sweet, together time. I love watching you go from excited and playful to calm, content, and relaxed. It makes me feel good to be able to help you feel good.
More changes are coming to our lives, my baby! You'll have Daddy around more - he is leaving Senor Frogs to work for Atlantis as the cruise manager on the Navatek I. That's where I used to work. Daddy's new job will be much less hours than at Senor Frog's. But hopefully he can still keep in touch and keep hanging out with his friends from Frogs because those uncles sure do love you! Especially Uncle Anwar and Uncle Chavo. Mommy will have a new job soon too! I'm leaving Atlantis Submarines to work at UHA Health. Hopefully this will be a place Mommy can stay at for a long time and make a good regular daily and weekly routine for you. That way also I'll be off on the weekends which is important when you start school.
School seems like a loooooong way off, but at the rate time is passing, it will feel like no time at all! Don't grow up too fast my sweet pea. I want to savor each and every moment of your baby-hood. Each little change and milestone and development of your personality. That's part of why I haven't been blogging as much - I'm too busy making sure I am in the moment with you whenever we are together, so I can remember all the little details and all the wonderful feelings you give me. But I should get better about it again - I have to write everything down so I can remember forever!
I love you, Isabella. More than anything in the world and everything in the world all put together.
Love love love,
Mommy
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
TRUTH (You thought I forgot, didn't you?)
So now that it's almost three (three?!) months since I gave birth, I think it's time to revisit that ugly thing called TRUTH - more specifically, the truth about POST-pregnancy. Be forewarned - this can get gross.
The "lochia" bleeding they tell you about is nothing like a period. It's like an ellipsis. (For those unfamiliar, that's the dot-dot-dot.) An ellipsis in font size 48. Luckily at the hospital they give you these enormous pads that make Depends look like Poise panty-liners, and if you get the heads-up (this is your heads-up) you can be sneaky and put four more in your overnight bag every time you change the one you're wearing so you can keep telling the nurse you need more, and then when you go home, you'll have all the extra you need. You'll need lots of extra.
Here's one good thing, though. As soon as you check in when you're in labor, they make you change out of your clothes (wait, the good part is coming) and they give you these disposable panties. "Uh, where's the good part?" you ask. That is the good part. These disposable panties are SO comfortable you wonder WHY someone doesn't market them and sell them at Walgreens. The nurse hands them to you and you look at her like, "What is that?" But they are the most perfect combination of tight enough to hold that ginormous pad in place and stretchy enough that there is NO binding or creasing. It's like a hug for your bottom from your fat aunt - perfectly firm yet squishy. These too, you can stock up on if you strategerize, since they're supposed to be disposable.
But I'm just getting started.
When they say you won't sleep because of the feedings and the diapers and the blahblahblah, you can't quite wrap your mind around that fact until you're a week in and you feel like you just might die (and then you think, "Well at least I'll be asleep then..."). They don't tell you that feeding her every two or three hours means: 6AM wake up, change diaper, start feed. Feed till 6:20 maybe, if your baby suckles frantically as if you never feed her. Rock until 6:45AM, baby is FAST asleep, mouth agape, limbs limp. 6:45 and 35 seconds, put baby into cradle, mouth agape, limbs limp. 6:46AM fall into bed exhausted, but unable to fall asleep instantly because there is so much racing through your mind (SleepNowBeforeSheWakesUp-Laundry-ShouldIShowerNow-GottaShaveMyLegs-SleepNowDammit-OhCrapDidIFeedTheCatThisWeek-SeriouslySleepRightNOW-OhYeahI'mKindaHungry-NahIt'sOkay-GoToSleep!). 6:48AM baby startles awake - rock again until 7:06AM and think about the fact that two months ago you thought waking up for work was tough. 7:07AM gingerly put baby back in her cradle and force yourself to lie down with your eyes closed even if you can't sleep, and then end up sleeping. Until 8AM when you wake up to do it all over again. And even then, you're excited that you got almost a full hour of sleep.
It gets better, and it gets better pretty fast actually. But at the time you really do think to yourself, "What was I thinking?" And then you think that you are a terrible person and the worst Mommy ever just for thinking that, as if feeling overwhelmed and desperate automatically means you also feel regret (it doesn't). As if feeling a tiny bit of regret means you would take it back (it doesn't, and regret isn't the right word for it anyway). You also find yourself really angry at all the people who told you that "EVERYTHING changes" as if they were supposed to expound on that fact to make you truly comprehend what that means. There is no way to describe how every moment of every day for the rest of your life is now completely changed forever - not just your responsibilities, but also your perspective, your priorities, your freedom (and your perspective on what freedom means), your friends, your interests. Sure, you're going to mostly have the same friends and interests - but somehow everything is just different. Some things will be much more interesting than you ever thought possible (to me it was poop, for example) and other things will just seem boring (like my old hobby - drinking). For me, anyway, that "different" feeling was shocking and terrifying. If you're anything like me, you might feel a little grief for the life you didn't even realize you were saying goodbye to - and if you're like me, you may mistake this grief for a feeling of regret or a feeling that you want that old life back instead, and then feel an immense and intense feeling of guilt for that. But mourning your "old life" does not mean you want a do-over - it's just that such a significant change can be hard to adjust to no matter how mentally prepared you thought you were - especially when you're getting no sleep.
So, throughout pregnancy you're thinking, "Oh God I'm this hulking monstrous waddling flesh-ball, I can't wait to be normal-sized again." And people tell you that you won't shrink back to prepregnancy size magically. And you can accept that. But what they don't tell you is that you deflate like a balloon, slowly and lopsidedly (and sometimes just as noisily...) but you have been stretched beyond imagination in so many places and unless you're 14 your skin is not as elastic as a balloon. If you are fortunate enough to have a Sugar-Nazi for an ob/gyn like I was, and if you breastfeed even just for a couple weeks, your belly will mostly deflate pretty quickly. But you'll be left with gross skin that seems darker than before (not tan, just darker) and also wrinkled and saggy like an old elephant's butt. You'll be glad to see your ankles do in fact still have bones, as do your feet, but then you'll realize your thighs look still-pregnant when contrasted above thin-again ankles even when separated by knees and calves. That linea negra that could have been called a badge of honor now just looks gross and uneven. And if you breastfeed, then ten seconds after you stop breastfeeding (if you're lucky this will be MUCH later when all these other things have probably resolved themselves) your boobs will NOT return to pre-pregnancy size and shape. They will be decidedly lower, flatter, and sadder. Your butt will shrink but not back to its cute round self - it will just deflate and become that flat but wide "mom-butt."
You may also find yourself wanting to spit in the face of anyone who tries to say the K-word (K...egel) around you.
There's more, but I think that's a decent dose of truth, at least for now. But you know what. This is cliche, but, it's all worth it. When you look at your baby sleeping (you always love them most when they're sleeping) and you take the time to notice little things like how her toes wiggle almost constantly even in her sleep, and you stop and think about the fact that very, very soon, she will be a little person with opinions, questions, hopes and fears, you know that even if each day is a challenge it is a challenge you want to cherish and relish and remember.
And that is the most important truth of all.
The "lochia" bleeding they tell you about is nothing like a period. It's like an ellipsis. (For those unfamiliar, that's the dot-dot-dot.) An ellipsis in font size 48. Luckily at the hospital they give you these enormous pads that make Depends look like Poise panty-liners, and if you get the heads-up (this is your heads-up) you can be sneaky and put four more in your overnight bag every time you change the one you're wearing so you can keep telling the nurse you need more, and then when you go home, you'll have all the extra you need. You'll need lots of extra.
Here's one good thing, though. As soon as you check in when you're in labor, they make you change out of your clothes (wait, the good part is coming) and they give you these disposable panties. "Uh, where's the good part?" you ask. That is the good part. These disposable panties are SO comfortable you wonder WHY someone doesn't market them and sell them at Walgreens. The nurse hands them to you and you look at her like, "What is that?" But they are the most perfect combination of tight enough to hold that ginormous pad in place and stretchy enough that there is NO binding or creasing. It's like a hug for your bottom from your fat aunt - perfectly firm yet squishy. These too, you can stock up on if you strategerize, since they're supposed to be disposable.
But I'm just getting started.
When they say you won't sleep because of the feedings and the diapers and the blahblahblah, you can't quite wrap your mind around that fact until you're a week in and you feel like you just might die (and then you think, "Well at least I'll be asleep then..."). They don't tell you that feeding her every two or three hours means: 6AM wake up, change diaper, start feed. Feed till 6:20 maybe, if your baby suckles frantically as if you never feed her. Rock until 6:45AM, baby is FAST asleep, mouth agape, limbs limp. 6:45 and 35 seconds, put baby into cradle, mouth agape, limbs limp. 6:46AM fall into bed exhausted, but unable to fall asleep instantly because there is so much racing through your mind (SleepNowBeforeSheWakesUp-Laundry-ShouldIShowerNow-GottaShaveMyLegs-SleepNowDammit-OhCrapDidIFeedTheCatThisWeek-SeriouslySleepRightNOW-OhYeahI'mKindaHungry-NahIt'sOkay-GoToSleep!). 6:48AM baby startles awake - rock again until 7:06AM and think about the fact that two months ago you thought waking up for work was tough. 7:07AM gingerly put baby back in her cradle and force yourself to lie down with your eyes closed even if you can't sleep, and then end up sleeping. Until 8AM when you wake up to do it all over again. And even then, you're excited that you got almost a full hour of sleep.
It gets better, and it gets better pretty fast actually. But at the time you really do think to yourself, "What was I thinking?" And then you think that you are a terrible person and the worst Mommy ever just for thinking that, as if feeling overwhelmed and desperate automatically means you also feel regret (it doesn't). As if feeling a tiny bit of regret means you would take it back (it doesn't, and regret isn't the right word for it anyway). You also find yourself really angry at all the people who told you that "EVERYTHING changes" as if they were supposed to expound on that fact to make you truly comprehend what that means. There is no way to describe how every moment of every day for the rest of your life is now completely changed forever - not just your responsibilities, but also your perspective, your priorities, your freedom (and your perspective on what freedom means), your friends, your interests. Sure, you're going to mostly have the same friends and interests - but somehow everything is just different. Some things will be much more interesting than you ever thought possible (to me it was poop, for example) and other things will just seem boring (like my old hobby - drinking). For me, anyway, that "different" feeling was shocking and terrifying. If you're anything like me, you might feel a little grief for the life you didn't even realize you were saying goodbye to - and if you're like me, you may mistake this grief for a feeling of regret or a feeling that you want that old life back instead, and then feel an immense and intense feeling of guilt for that. But mourning your "old life" does not mean you want a do-over - it's just that such a significant change can be hard to adjust to no matter how mentally prepared you thought you were - especially when you're getting no sleep.
So, throughout pregnancy you're thinking, "Oh God I'm this hulking monstrous waddling flesh-ball, I can't wait to be normal-sized again." And people tell you that you won't shrink back to prepregnancy size magically. And you can accept that. But what they don't tell you is that you deflate like a balloon, slowly and lopsidedly (and sometimes just as noisily...) but you have been stretched beyond imagination in so many places and unless you're 14 your skin is not as elastic as a balloon. If you are fortunate enough to have a Sugar-Nazi for an ob/gyn like I was, and if you breastfeed even just for a couple weeks, your belly will mostly deflate pretty quickly. But you'll be left with gross skin that seems darker than before (not tan, just darker) and also wrinkled and saggy like an old elephant's butt. You'll be glad to see your ankles do in fact still have bones, as do your feet, but then you'll realize your thighs look still-pregnant when contrasted above thin-again ankles even when separated by knees and calves. That linea negra that could have been called a badge of honor now just looks gross and uneven. And if you breastfeed, then ten seconds after you stop breastfeeding (if you're lucky this will be MUCH later when all these other things have probably resolved themselves) your boobs will NOT return to pre-pregnancy size and shape. They will be decidedly lower, flatter, and sadder. Your butt will shrink but not back to its cute round self - it will just deflate and become that flat but wide "mom-butt."
You may also find yourself wanting to spit in the face of anyone who tries to say the K-word (K...egel) around you.
There's more, but I think that's a decent dose of truth, at least for now. But you know what. This is cliche, but, it's all worth it. When you look at your baby sleeping (you always love them most when they're sleeping) and you take the time to notice little things like how her toes wiggle almost constantly even in her sleep, and you stop and think about the fact that very, very soon, she will be a little person with opinions, questions, hopes and fears, you know that even if each day is a challenge it is a challenge you want to cherish and relish and remember.
And that is the most important truth of all.
10 (Thousand) Things I Love About You
Dear Isabella,
Here are some reasons I am smitten with you: The way you rest your hands politely folded on your round tummy when you fall asleep on my lap. Your tiny balled up fists held so tightly at the beginning of your 4am feeding that slowly unclench as you fall asleep. Your long, long eyelashes. Your brown hair that has a hint of red in the sunlight. Your funny toes that curl around my finger like monkey feet. Your chubby, rosy cheeks. Your red red lips and little triangle mouth that falls open when you're sleeping really deeply. When you hold my pinky finger so tightly as I'm feeding you. Your beautiful eyes that look so round and serious sometimes and light up with your coy smile other times. The way you try to put both your fists in your mouth at once. The determined and concentrated look on your face when you're trying so hard to coordinate your hands. Your little tongue licking your hands. Your tiny grunts and sighs when you're sleeping. Your strong little voice when you're talking to your toys. Your soft pink skin and little creases in your chubby arms and legs. The peaceful way you sleep resting your head on my shoulder when you fall asleep when I'm trying to burp you. The sleepy half-closed eyes you have when I wake you up. The sound of your soft little snores. The way your eyes get SO BIG and wide when the lights get dimmer suddenly. Your little facial expressions when you're dreaming. The specific combination of smells from your baby soap, fresh diaper, and milk that make me want to snuggle you like a Teddy bear. The dimples on your fists where your knuckles should be.
These are the things that make me say, Wow...what an angel.
I love you!
Love,
Mommy
Here are some reasons I am smitten with you: The way you rest your hands politely folded on your round tummy when you fall asleep on my lap. Your tiny balled up fists held so tightly at the beginning of your 4am feeding that slowly unclench as you fall asleep. Your long, long eyelashes. Your brown hair that has a hint of red in the sunlight. Your funny toes that curl around my finger like monkey feet. Your chubby, rosy cheeks. Your red red lips and little triangle mouth that falls open when you're sleeping really deeply. When you hold my pinky finger so tightly as I'm feeding you. Your beautiful eyes that look so round and serious sometimes and light up with your coy smile other times. The way you try to put both your fists in your mouth at once. The determined and concentrated look on your face when you're trying so hard to coordinate your hands. Your little tongue licking your hands. Your tiny grunts and sighs when you're sleeping. Your strong little voice when you're talking to your toys. Your soft pink skin and little creases in your chubby arms and legs. The peaceful way you sleep resting your head on my shoulder when you fall asleep when I'm trying to burp you. The sleepy half-closed eyes you have when I wake you up. The sound of your soft little snores. The way your eyes get SO BIG and wide when the lights get dimmer suddenly. Your little facial expressions when you're dreaming. The specific combination of smells from your baby soap, fresh diaper, and milk that make me want to snuggle you like a Teddy bear. The dimples on your fists where your knuckles should be.
These are the things that make me say, Wow...what an angel.
I love you!
Love,
Mommy
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