The beginnings of Manic Mondays (and sometimes Wild Wednesdays, Thirsty Thursdays, Fun Fridays and Silly Saturdays) with Kat and The Circle - Juan, Too, Tree, sometimes Foah and Pibe. Drawing words in the snow. Job change number one hundred million. Teri burgers fried noodles malassadas and funnel cake. Drawing words in black sand. Alex's first flight. A superhero walk around the park. Combining homes combining lives. Learning to fire a canon. The hardest goodbye to the best worst dog in the world. Operation Birthday Week. More new friends. Family trip of a lifetime. Biggest news of my life, the beginning of our most important journey together. Nausea insomnia fatigue like never before. The most incredible sound we may ever hear. Enjoying being kicked and punched every day. Celebrating a year of incredible fast forward. Learning that life knows better than you what you need and what you're ready for. A month of genuine thanks. Moving into a real home. Beginning family traditions. A circle to make us complete.
The best year ever.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
What a Christmas!!!
Christmas this year was so amazing - beyond words! Alex gave me a brand new MacBook (which should make it a lot easier to keep this blog more up-to-date since I won't have to struggle for half an hour just to turn it on!)... We both got a silly amount of gifts from our loving and extremely generous family - and we spent both Christmas Eve and Christmas day together at night.
The night before Christmas Eve we went into downtown to see the Honolulu Christmas lights - I love Christmas lights and decorations! Hopefully we can make it a tradition to bring Isabella to see them, though the crowd can be daunting; it's so easy to lose a little one in the blink of an eye.
On Christmas Eve we both worked during the day and had the night time off, so we went to Morton's Steakhouse for dinner. It was so delicious! (A little frustrating that I have this whole, can't-stuff-myself-silly-or-I-really-do-make-myself-sick thing going on - I wanted to eat so much!) We shared an enormous porterhouse steak (why not - it's two steaks in one!) with bernaise sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and a molten chocolate cake a la mode for dessert. Mmmm!...
The night before Christmas Eve we went into downtown to see the Honolulu Christmas lights - I love Christmas lights and decorations! Hopefully we can make it a tradition to bring Isabella to see them, though the crowd can be daunting; it's so easy to lose a little one in the blink of an eye.
On Christmas Eve we both worked during the day and had the night time off, so we went to Morton's Steakhouse for dinner. It was so delicious! (A little frustrating that I have this whole, can't-stuff-myself-silly-or-I-really-do-make-myself-sick thing going on - I wanted to eat so much!) We shared an enormous porterhouse steak (why not - it's two steaks in one!) with bernaise sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and a molten chocolate cake a la mode for dessert. Mmmm!...
On Christmas day we both worked during the day. We went to my Mom's house for dinner when we both finally finished work, and it was fun to sit around, open presents, talk and laugh, and of course we ate dinner. We also talked about the fact that earlier, before I left for work, Alex woke up early with me to open a couple of our presents and...
He proposed!!! Alex asked me to marry him and of course I said YES! He gave me the most beautiful, sparkly, shiny diamond in a white gold (temporary) setting. (We'll choose a permanent setting and have it sized when my sausage fingers return to normal, haha!) At first I couldn't believe it! I told him I had to leave for work and he was like, "Can we just open one more present?" When I said okay, he reached into the Christmas tree and I was thinking - what the heck is he doing?! He pulled out a black jewelry box from deep among the branches and when I saw that I froze. He opened it up and said, "Babe, do you want to marry me?" I started to smile but I was so thrown off, I said, "Are you serious?"
"Yes!" he said.
"Is this for real??" I asked.
"Yes!" he said.
"Yes! Of course!" I whispered and I forget if I hugged him first or if he put the ring on my finger or if I kissed him or what happened next! It was so surreal! He said later he was waiting for me to cry but I think I was so surprised that I sort of floated away for a little while. What a bummer I had to go to work right after this - I was already late!
Of course I told my Mom right away and I also called my Dad during a lull at work. Then I told all my best friends and immediately asked my best friend Sari to be my maid of honor. I also asked my close friend Jon to be a bridesmaid, but he decided to just be a guest. Haha!
We haven't chosen a date yet, but that announcement will come. All of our friends were thrilled for us and gave us tons and tons of congratulations. And our parents and families (with the exception of one person) are excited and happy for us, of course.
It's funny, because getting married was already part of the plan, even if it wasn't official and we hadn't set a time frame yet and we weren't in a rush just because of the baby, but now that we're engaged it sure feels different. It feels more real, more committed but in a comforting way, not in a scary way. We're both still getting used to calling each other our fiance's instead of boyfriend or girlfriend. It's fun!
So..what a Christmas! What a year! New year's is coming and oh my gosh, looking back on this past year...but that's another story.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Getting huge - and new symptoms...
I'm including pictures of myself and I have to admit - they're a little misleading. When I look in the mirror, I sort of feel like I'm much more enormous than these photos portray. Perhaps it's the black top I'm wearing. Either way, included are photos from Week 23. We have been taking photos of my growing middle almost every week since we found out we were pregnant but alas, until this week we were using my Sony Cybershot, whose memory card appears to have become corrupt. My middle isn't the only thing that's growing - thighs and butt are filling out (oh joy, as if they weren't full to begin with), my feet have gone up a whole shoe size (another "side effect" they don't tell you about until it's happening - and it apparently is most likely a permanent size increase - goodbye one million pairs of shoes I have!), and my bras don't fit anymore (the ONE good thing that's happening to my body image!). My doctor is zeroing in on whether my hands, feet and ankles are swelling - this is how he will know I'm O.D.ing on sugar - and so far I am still slender in these areas. Even if these are the only areas...
As Isabella grows, she pushes all my other organs sort of out of the way - to the sides (there goes my waist), down (there goes that bladder), up (here comes the stomach) - wherever they will smoosh. The fun part of this is the acid indigestion that results from not only her tendency to make room for herself, but also some stupid hormone that relaxes all my tendons, ligaments and muscles to make expansion possible. This hormone that apparently is smart enough to make pregnancy growth possible, has not found the intelligence in the millions of years of evolution to localize its "relaxation" effects. So as Isabella shoves my stomach up into my chest cavity to reside next to my heart (there has to be some clever thing I can say about the way to my heart is my stomach, but I can't figure it out right now), this dumb hormone makes sure that the valve connecting my esophagus to my stomach is pretty much defunct.
So all my stomach contents are free to roam back up, including that insanely corrosive stomach acid (I'm surprised they haven't invented a chemical or biological weapon using this as the main ingredient). I thought I had experienced debilitating heartburn the one night I woke up in the middle of the night and indulged in a slice of plain wheat bread - only to suffer the most excruciating pain that I had ever felt, for hours. I think pregnancy teaches you to take each bout of mind-boggling pain and think to yourself, "No, it could get ten times worse. You can't imagine it now, but you'll figure it out shortly." Because that heartburn session that lasted a few hours and disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared was nothing.
On a Wednesday night I ate dinner, well, at dinner time. A bajillion hours later, I went to bed (okay at like midnight), feeling full which was something I was becoming used to - feeling absurdly full hours longer than logically necessary until in a split second I was suddenly ravenous. Somewhere in the wee hours of the night I was woken up by - prepare to be grossed out - vomit coming up my throat of its own accord. No retching, no clenching of my stomach to push that half-digested substance up the wrong way. Just a slow oozing feeling, complimented by a sharp feeling that my throat was being burned from the inside out. I went to the bathroom and allowed this mass to complete its backwards journey. The rest of the night found me in and out of bed.
The following night, I had a meeting for work followed by a baby shower for a coworker. I got home about 11pm, and fell asleep almost right away. Oh no, sleep was not to be had. I was in and out of bed again just like the night before, awakened in the same manner, until 4am. After the fourth or fifth journey from the couch (I migrated to spare Alex the disturbance), I had to wonder - what is possibly even left in there? Water, it turns out, didn't help either. That was violently rejected as well.
On the Friday of this particular week, by 9pm I was feeling this familiar sensation of my insides having a life of their own. I knew that occassional vomiting is normal even past the first trimester, and that heartburn was something I was supposed to expect as Isabella claims more and more space in my insides, but this was getting a little ridiculous. After some internet searching, I found the excuse to call my doctor (I hate calling my doctor). "What do you think?" I asked him, at 10pm (he was clearly sleeping prior to this) after describing my experience to him. "I don't know," he replied. "Go to Kapiolani. You probably at least need fluids." I suppose expecting a diagnosis over the phone was a little bit of a stretch.
Alex was at work, so Mom and Nick took me to Kapiolani Medical Center. We arrived at 11pm. Nick went to sleep in the car - a wise idea since we weren't seen till 2:30am. Gosh, good thing it wasn't anything serious. When you're pregnant, they don't even deal with you in the E.R. at all - they send you straight up to labor and delivery, just in case. I think there were about four women who came in in labor, and went straight to delivery, while I was there. My friend Kat was there, had been there since Thursday in fact, and was in labor. I wondered where her room was.
When we were finally seen, they immediately hooked me up to monitors, and we got to listen to Isabella's heartbeat for a while, as well as listen to the sounds of her jumping around inside me. Boy was she active! Bumps and jumps and turns and twirls, all over the place! Clearly, she was unphased by my gastric activities. Finally they hooked me up to an I.V. at about 3am (it took them one very painful failed attempt, followed by a second very painful successful attempt - my veins were collapsing a little, indicating that indeed I was dehydrated) and administered one liter of fluid. It was the weirdest sensation I have ever felt. I could literally feel the water going into my body - room temperature water in an air conditioned hospital is considerably colder than body temperature, especially when your body is stressed. I got cold and shivery - but if you touched me, you would think I was warm. In fact, my body was still warm. But I felt cold. After much coaxing from my Mom, I accepted a warmed blanket and quit shivering. After the I.V. was finished (very quickly - less than an hour), I was instructed to drink another liter (I still hadn't peed, another indication that I was definitely dehydrated), and then given crackers to eat to see if I could keep them down.
After I got discharged at sunrise on Saturday morning, Mom and Nick took me and Alex home (Alex had come right after work), and I went to bed shortly after. I didn't throw up but I could definitely feel those crackers trying to worm their way up. What gives? I thought.
Luckily at my regular appointment the following Tuesday my doctor confirmed - it seems I have serious acid reflux. She pointed me in the direction of an over the counter remedy called Gaviscon, since Maalox had proven to be ineffective. So far the Gaviscon is pretty amazing (tastes awful), as long as I don't eat after 9pm or eat more than perhaps one and a half cups of food at a time.
My theory is that this is nature's way of making sure I don't get carried away "eating for two." What a rip off. :P
As Isabella grows, she pushes all my other organs sort of out of the way - to the sides (there goes my waist), down (there goes that bladder), up (here comes the stomach) - wherever they will smoosh. The fun part of this is the acid indigestion that results from not only her tendency to make room for herself, but also some stupid hormone that relaxes all my tendons, ligaments and muscles to make expansion possible. This hormone that apparently is smart enough to make pregnancy growth possible, has not found the intelligence in the millions of years of evolution to localize its "relaxation" effects. So as Isabella shoves my stomach up into my chest cavity to reside next to my heart (there has to be some clever thing I can say about the way to my heart is my stomach, but I can't figure it out right now), this dumb hormone makes sure that the valve connecting my esophagus to my stomach is pretty much defunct.
So all my stomach contents are free to roam back up, including that insanely corrosive stomach acid (I'm surprised they haven't invented a chemical or biological weapon using this as the main ingredient). I thought I had experienced debilitating heartburn the one night I woke up in the middle of the night and indulged in a slice of plain wheat bread - only to suffer the most excruciating pain that I had ever felt, for hours. I think pregnancy teaches you to take each bout of mind-boggling pain and think to yourself, "No, it could get ten times worse. You can't imagine it now, but you'll figure it out shortly." Because that heartburn session that lasted a few hours and disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared was nothing.
On a Wednesday night I ate dinner, well, at dinner time. A bajillion hours later, I went to bed (okay at like midnight), feeling full which was something I was becoming used to - feeling absurdly full hours longer than logically necessary until in a split second I was suddenly ravenous. Somewhere in the wee hours of the night I was woken up by - prepare to be grossed out - vomit coming up my throat of its own accord. No retching, no clenching of my stomach to push that half-digested substance up the wrong way. Just a slow oozing feeling, complimented by a sharp feeling that my throat was being burned from the inside out. I went to the bathroom and allowed this mass to complete its backwards journey. The rest of the night found me in and out of bed.
The following night, I had a meeting for work followed by a baby shower for a coworker. I got home about 11pm, and fell asleep almost right away. Oh no, sleep was not to be had. I was in and out of bed again just like the night before, awakened in the same manner, until 4am. After the fourth or fifth journey from the couch (I migrated to spare Alex the disturbance), I had to wonder - what is possibly even left in there? Water, it turns out, didn't help either. That was violently rejected as well.
On the Friday of this particular week, by 9pm I was feeling this familiar sensation of my insides having a life of their own. I knew that occassional vomiting is normal even past the first trimester, and that heartburn was something I was supposed to expect as Isabella claims more and more space in my insides, but this was getting a little ridiculous. After some internet searching, I found the excuse to call my doctor (I hate calling my doctor). "What do you think?" I asked him, at 10pm (he was clearly sleeping prior to this) after describing my experience to him. "I don't know," he replied. "Go to Kapiolani. You probably at least need fluids." I suppose expecting a diagnosis over the phone was a little bit of a stretch.
Alex was at work, so Mom and Nick took me to Kapiolani Medical Center. We arrived at 11pm. Nick went to sleep in the car - a wise idea since we weren't seen till 2:30am. Gosh, good thing it wasn't anything serious. When you're pregnant, they don't even deal with you in the E.R. at all - they send you straight up to labor and delivery, just in case. I think there were about four women who came in in labor, and went straight to delivery, while I was there. My friend Kat was there, had been there since Thursday in fact, and was in labor. I wondered where her room was.
When we were finally seen, they immediately hooked me up to monitors, and we got to listen to Isabella's heartbeat for a while, as well as listen to the sounds of her jumping around inside me. Boy was she active! Bumps and jumps and turns and twirls, all over the place! Clearly, she was unphased by my gastric activities. Finally they hooked me up to an I.V. at about 3am (it took them one very painful failed attempt, followed by a second very painful successful attempt - my veins were collapsing a little, indicating that indeed I was dehydrated) and administered one liter of fluid. It was the weirdest sensation I have ever felt. I could literally feel the water going into my body - room temperature water in an air conditioned hospital is considerably colder than body temperature, especially when your body is stressed. I got cold and shivery - but if you touched me, you would think I was warm. In fact, my body was still warm. But I felt cold. After much coaxing from my Mom, I accepted a warmed blanket and quit shivering. After the I.V. was finished (very quickly - less than an hour), I was instructed to drink another liter (I still hadn't peed, another indication that I was definitely dehydrated), and then given crackers to eat to see if I could keep them down.
After I got discharged at sunrise on Saturday morning, Mom and Nick took me and Alex home (Alex had come right after work), and I went to bed shortly after. I didn't throw up but I could definitely feel those crackers trying to worm their way up. What gives? I thought.
Luckily at my regular appointment the following Tuesday my doctor confirmed - it seems I have serious acid reflux. She pointed me in the direction of an over the counter remedy called Gaviscon, since Maalox had proven to be ineffective. So far the Gaviscon is pretty amazing (tastes awful), as long as I don't eat after 9pm or eat more than perhaps one and a half cups of food at a time.
My theory is that this is nature's way of making sure I don't get carried away "eating for two." What a rip off. :P
Christmas decorating!
First order of business once we got moved in and settled was decorating for the season - we were running out of time! We got our very first real Christmas tree and trimmed it with festive lights and our three (haha!) family ornaments. I bought cheap shatter-proof ornaments at Longs to fill in the spaces until we can increase our collection over the years. :) Outside we lined our lanai railing with more colorful lights and put our little tiny miniature Christmas tree in the middle corner - that was our first Christmas tree from last year. I hung our stockings on the wall in the dining area (you can see them in the pictures of the apartment in the previous entry), and I must point out that my stocking with my name on it is the one my Mom made for me when she was pregnant with me. It's a beautiful stocking! Hopefully she can find time to make one for Isabella as well, because mine is something I will treasure forever! I love Christmas...
Photos of the new place!
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| The living room |
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| More living room |
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| Living room/Dining area from the other end |
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| Kitchen (tiny!) |
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| "Master" bedroom |
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| Isabella's (mostly unfurnished) bedroom |
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| More of Isabella's room |
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| The lanai from our end of the unit |
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| Lanai from Isabella's end of the unit |
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| Sunset view from our lanai. |
New apartment, Christmas, Getting Bigger - so many changes!
Oh goodness it's been a while since I've posted. We've been so busy moving and getting ready for Christmas that time has flown by. The quickest recap of December that I can manage: We started off the month moving apartments - what an adventure! As soon as we got moved in we started decorating for Christmas - my favorite time of year! I'm becoming the size of a small car - one that is increasingly difficult to maneuver! First trimester nausea is long gone, but just as I was learning to enjoy second trimester return of energy and appetite, a whole host of new "symptoms" has surfaced - one of them sending me to the E.R. (don't worry, Isabella and I were completely fine)! Because there was so much going on, I'll be spliting up this update into a few different posts.
Moving to a bigger place was in the plans from the moment we found out we were pregnant, but it was supposed to happen in January when our lease was up. After looking on Craigslist out of curiosity, we found a newly renovated, two bedroom apartment in a secured building more or less in our price range - and after looking at it we knew that even though it was early, we had to apply. A week after contacting the property manager to take a look, we had a new lease! Life in general is moving so quickly for us. Luckily, our landlord at the old place was ultra supportive and happy for us, and since we found him a tenant to take over the unit, Alex didn't lose any of his deposit for terminating early. Moving is stressful to begin with - add to it that one person in the equation is fairly useless when it comes to reaching the top shelves to pack, lifting boxes and furniture, and getting into tight spaces to deep clean, and the stress multiplies. Alex was wonderful - I would come home from work and find several new boxes packed each day. This in itself caused a bit of an emotional struggle for me - I was happy that he was being so considerate and trying to leave nothing for me to do (i.e. worry about), but I already felt like I was contributing so little, so packing the little things was all I had left to bolster my sense of usefulness. That, and I'd go to use something of ours (spatula, book, oh maybe the T.V.) and find it packed. The last several nights in our old apartment were certainly boring. Alex was a saint, dealing with my crabbiness.
The move itself was pretty quick. Poor Orange was completely freaked out. The first several nights, he would walk around the new apartment in the dark, meowing to the walls. "Where am I?" he seemed to be lamenting, "When are we going home?" It didn't help that the weather was a little stormy and a lot cold, and his little paws weren't used to cold tile. We also didn't have a rug for the living room yet, and his old hiding places (closet, under the bed) were also cold and tiled. Like a mommy worries about her babies, I worried about my little kitten and thought, "Oh I've made him so unhappy - AGAIN!" (This is his third move in two years.) But once we got the rug for the living room, he seemed to find pleasure in looking out our giant sliding doors onto the lanai, or curling up on the back of the much-fluffier new (used) couch we bought. He has returned to the habit he developed at my old apartment of hiding or sleeping in our bed under the covers when we're not home. Weirdo. But he's happy now, so that's good.
It was surprisingly hard for Alex and I to say goodbye to the old place. I cried - I had the excuse of hormones. But I think a part of Alex wanted to cry too as we drove away for the last time - Orange's crazy sad meows from his hated carrying cage vocalized I think part of what we were both feeling. That apartment was the first that Alex had all by himself; prior to that he'd always had roommates. We found that apartment for him right at the beginning of our relationship, as we were learning about each other, the way each other lived in the most private moments of daily life. We had our first huge, relationship-changing argument there. It was the first place we lived together (and learned even more about intimate details of daily life). That was where we began our journey, basically, of learning how to work not only as a couple but as a true team. A lot of firsts in that apartment.
Of course, we're totally excited about the future and the direction we're going, and all that the new place represents for us. We almost doubled our living space, and this apartment isn't so big for us that it's absurd, but it's big enough that we can stay here for years as Isabella grows - we won't be moving again in another year saying, "God, we are bursting at the seams here!" Everyone who came to our old place and also came here (well, just my Mom, Nick, and three of my closest friends) say this place feels much more like a home. Alex and I agree. It already looks like a family lives here. (I told him, if it was that hard to leave the first apartment, it's going to be even more difficult to leave this one - imagine all the "firsts" that we'll have here! I said, I don't want to move again until we are buying our "forever house." Dream big...)
We're proud of our new place and we both know that as a family, we'll be really happy here.
Moving to a bigger place was in the plans from the moment we found out we were pregnant, but it was supposed to happen in January when our lease was up. After looking on Craigslist out of curiosity, we found a newly renovated, two bedroom apartment in a secured building more or less in our price range - and after looking at it we knew that even though it was early, we had to apply. A week after contacting the property manager to take a look, we had a new lease! Life in general is moving so quickly for us. Luckily, our landlord at the old place was ultra supportive and happy for us, and since we found him a tenant to take over the unit, Alex didn't lose any of his deposit for terminating early. Moving is stressful to begin with - add to it that one person in the equation is fairly useless when it comes to reaching the top shelves to pack, lifting boxes and furniture, and getting into tight spaces to deep clean, and the stress multiplies. Alex was wonderful - I would come home from work and find several new boxes packed each day. This in itself caused a bit of an emotional struggle for me - I was happy that he was being so considerate and trying to leave nothing for me to do (i.e. worry about), but I already felt like I was contributing so little, so packing the little things was all I had left to bolster my sense of usefulness. That, and I'd go to use something of ours (spatula, book, oh maybe the T.V.) and find it packed. The last several nights in our old apartment were certainly boring. Alex was a saint, dealing with my crabbiness.
The move itself was pretty quick. Poor Orange was completely freaked out. The first several nights, he would walk around the new apartment in the dark, meowing to the walls. "Where am I?" he seemed to be lamenting, "When are we going home?" It didn't help that the weather was a little stormy and a lot cold, and his little paws weren't used to cold tile. We also didn't have a rug for the living room yet, and his old hiding places (closet, under the bed) were also cold and tiled. Like a mommy worries about her babies, I worried about my little kitten and thought, "Oh I've made him so unhappy - AGAIN!" (This is his third move in two years.) But once we got the rug for the living room, he seemed to find pleasure in looking out our giant sliding doors onto the lanai, or curling up on the back of the much-fluffier new (used) couch we bought. He has returned to the habit he developed at my old apartment of hiding or sleeping in our bed under the covers when we're not home. Weirdo. But he's happy now, so that's good.
It was surprisingly hard for Alex and I to say goodbye to the old place. I cried - I had the excuse of hormones. But I think a part of Alex wanted to cry too as we drove away for the last time - Orange's crazy sad meows from his hated carrying cage vocalized I think part of what we were both feeling. That apartment was the first that Alex had all by himself; prior to that he'd always had roommates. We found that apartment for him right at the beginning of our relationship, as we were learning about each other, the way each other lived in the most private moments of daily life. We had our first huge, relationship-changing argument there. It was the first place we lived together (and learned even more about intimate details of daily life). That was where we began our journey, basically, of learning how to work not only as a couple but as a true team. A lot of firsts in that apartment.
Of course, we're totally excited about the future and the direction we're going, and all that the new place represents for us. We almost doubled our living space, and this apartment isn't so big for us that it's absurd, but it's big enough that we can stay here for years as Isabella grows - we won't be moving again in another year saying, "God, we are bursting at the seams here!" Everyone who came to our old place and also came here (well, just my Mom, Nick, and three of my closest friends) say this place feels much more like a home. Alex and I agree. It already looks like a family lives here. (I told him, if it was that hard to leave the first apartment, it's going to be even more difficult to leave this one - imagine all the "firsts" that we'll have here! I said, I don't want to move again until we are buying our "forever house." Dream big...)
We're proud of our new place and we both know that as a family, we'll be really happy here.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Orange "Meets" Isabella
Right now I'm sitting with Orange draped across my belly, the happiest cat in the world, eyes closed and purring loudly. Isabella just woke up and started kicking the heck out of the purring machine! At first Orange's eyes flew open and got wide and wild looking. "WHAT was THAT?!" he asked with his eyes and flattened ears. I just smiled and kept petting him. "Bella's talking back to you," I told him. His eyes closed, ears relaxed, and the purring resumed. She is still thumping him on his chest as I write this. Awww my two babies talking to each other. :P
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanksgiving Early
We have just so much to be thankful for! What a week! After I felt and saw Isabella's antics on Sunday, Monday night Alex and I got home after the club closed and we lay in bed with the TV on low, low volume. He rested his hand on my belly. She had been active all day ("Aren't you tired from being up all night??" I said to her!) and I wasn't sure if she would continue that night. But after a few minutes, bump! A little pop erupted just below Alex's fingers. My eyes got wide and I whispered, "Did you feel it?!" He nodded, concentrating. Her kicks were not as forceful as the night before but they were there and she was positioned correctly. We stayed this way for a little while, and he felt her a couple more times. Yay!! She got tired a little more quickly this time though, and retired to the back of my body to hide. She has yet to punch me hard enough at the right time for Alex to see her.
Then on Tuesday, we got news from the realtor handling the apartment we recently found and applied for: We got it! In the middle of the afternoon, while we were out registering for baby stuff, I got an email. The staff at the store told us congratulations because as we were turning in our registry form, I blurted out, "WE GOT IT!" sort of loudly as I skimmed the email message on my phone.
It's a fairly spacious two bedroom, one bath, in a secured building with a covered parking stall. The kitchen and bath are pretty small, but it does have a lanai that runs the length of the unit. It's not luxurious but it's big enough for us to grow as a family, Isabella will have her own room, it's in good shape, and it's all for a reasonable price.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and it's not as if we didn't already have a million things to be thankful for especially this year, but so many great things in one week is almost too good to be true!
Then on Tuesday, we got news from the realtor handling the apartment we recently found and applied for: We got it! In the middle of the afternoon, while we were out registering for baby stuff, I got an email. The staff at the store told us congratulations because as we were turning in our registry form, I blurted out, "WE GOT IT!" sort of loudly as I skimmed the email message on my phone.
It's a fairly spacious two bedroom, one bath, in a secured building with a covered parking stall. The kitchen and bath are pretty small, but it does have a lanai that runs the length of the unit. It's not luxurious but it's big enough for us to grow as a family, Isabella will have her own room, it's in good shape, and it's all for a reasonable price.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and it's not as if we didn't already have a million things to be thankful for especially this year, but so many great things in one week is almost too good to be true!
Monday, November 22, 2010
BOP!
So last night, I'm lying in bed watching TV, with my hand on my belly just because it happened to rest there. And suddenly, THUMP! It was a little, tiny creature bopping my hand - from under my hand! "Do it again Bella!" I whispered. BOP! I almost wanted to hold my breath, scared any movement would frighten her into stopping (or rock her back to sleep). I lifted my hand, and POP! I saw my belly jump in just one little spot just like the curtain jumps when Orange punches it with his paw. Oh my gosh! Feeling it from the outside and seeing it all in one sitting!
(She must know I'm talking about her because she's poking around right now.)
I texted Alex right away, so excited but also a little disappointed he wasn't here to feel it and see it also. I stayed there for over an hour feeling her migrate from one side to the other, holding my belly. My back started to seriously hurt from lying prone for so long, but I didn't want to move! I wanted to feel her for as long as she was awake. Finally I decided I really did have to turn over, and found that lying on my side, I could still at least feel her from the inside. I wasn't talking to her except in my head, but I still felt like we were having our first conversation. She was pretty active for about three hours, and even though I knew I had to work early the next morning, I stayed up till about 1:30am "talking" with our little girl. When Alex finally got home, she got really quiet and pretty much stopped moving. Maybe she felt his presence and felt like she could finally settle down?
So incredible. People talk about really missing this part of pregnancy once they give birth. I do feel like I've been pregnant forever and ever, and we're only half way through, but on the other hand I already know that I'm going to miss this, and I hope I get to feel it all the time until she's born. I want to savor every moment because once she's born - no more poking me from inside there!
(She must know I'm talking about her because she's poking around right now.)
I texted Alex right away, so excited but also a little disappointed he wasn't here to feel it and see it also. I stayed there for over an hour feeling her migrate from one side to the other, holding my belly. My back started to seriously hurt from lying prone for so long, but I didn't want to move! I wanted to feel her for as long as she was awake. Finally I decided I really did have to turn over, and found that lying on my side, I could still at least feel her from the inside. I wasn't talking to her except in my head, but I still felt like we were having our first conversation. She was pretty active for about three hours, and even though I knew I had to work early the next morning, I stayed up till about 1:30am "talking" with our little girl. When Alex finally got home, she got really quiet and pretty much stopped moving. Maybe she felt his presence and felt like she could finally settle down?
So incredible. People talk about really missing this part of pregnancy once they give birth. I do feel like I've been pregnant forever and ever, and we're only half way through, but on the other hand I already know that I'm going to miss this, and I hope I get to feel it all the time until she's born. I want to savor every moment because once she's born - no more poking me from inside there!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Getting a kick out of this!
At first I wasn't sure whether what I was feeling really was Isabella moving around in there.. On a drive over the mountain to my mom's house one night - October 29th to be exact - I sat at the stoplight next to Kam Shopping Center and felt something funny. The books all said it might be similar to hunger gurgles, or gas bubbles, or popcorn popping inside me. But they all also said it's actually indescribable. Whatever it was that I was feeling was almost tickle-y and sort of did feel like popcorn popping - but not exactly. The rest of the drive was a pretty distracted one! I kept feeling flutters, repeated flutters but not rhythmic or regular. At the same time, I didn't want to trick myself into wishing so hard that I could feel her that I imagined something that wasn't there. Hmmm..
Over the next couple of days I felt the same thing a couple times, and then for a couple of days, nothing. Maybe I was wrong.
But at our appointment on the 9th, I felt her and saw her move on the screen at the same time. Sure enough, those were baby twists, kicks and punches I had been feeling! How exciting!
Now it's most days that I can feel her, usually when I'm winding down in the evening or right after I've gotten up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but also sometimes when I'm driving, or when I'm working. Last Sunday, we discovered that Isabella either really likes or really hates Prince. Alex played a Prince song at work, and out of nowhere she was moving around like crazy! And as soon as the song ended, she calmed down. Sari said maybe she's going to be a dancer. Ha! That would be cool, except that is not something she would get from me, that's for sure!
Now we're just waiting for her to get big and strong enough so Alex can feel her moving from the outside. Alex asked me the other night what it feels like. Definitely not like gas. I can see where people would think it was a hunger gurgle but once you know, it's definitely different. Popcorn popping was the closest description I've read. But also it feels almost the same as when you literally can feel your heart skip a beat or palpitate, except instead of feeling it in your chest it's in your belly area - or lower, or to the side a little.
This is so exciting! Bella, we can't wait to meet you!!!
Over the next couple of days I felt the same thing a couple times, and then for a couple of days, nothing. Maybe I was wrong.
But at our appointment on the 9th, I felt her and saw her move on the screen at the same time. Sure enough, those were baby twists, kicks and punches I had been feeling! How exciting!
Now it's most days that I can feel her, usually when I'm winding down in the evening or right after I've gotten up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but also sometimes when I'm driving, or when I'm working. Last Sunday, we discovered that Isabella either really likes or really hates Prince. Alex played a Prince song at work, and out of nowhere she was moving around like crazy! And as soon as the song ended, she calmed down. Sari said maybe she's going to be a dancer. Ha! That would be cool, except that is not something she would get from me, that's for sure!
Now we're just waiting for her to get big and strong enough so Alex can feel her moving from the outside. Alex asked me the other night what it feels like. Definitely not like gas. I can see where people would think it was a hunger gurgle but once you know, it's definitely different. Popcorn popping was the closest description I've read. But also it feels almost the same as when you literally can feel your heart skip a beat or palpitate, except instead of feeling it in your chest it's in your belly area - or lower, or to the side a little.
This is so exciting! Bella, we can't wait to meet you!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
BIG
On Tuesday Alex and I celebrated our first anniversary (a day early - work schedules don't care about such occasions), and he took me on a helicopter tour! Exciting!
And a little scary. They tell you all about how once you have a child (or one on the way) your perspective on life changes, your priorities change, blahblahblah. Obviously. They don't tell you about the details of what this really means. For most of my adult life, I've lived with the general philosophy, when it comes to risk taking, of "What's the worst that could happen?" And even the worst, death, didn't scare me too much. I suppose the worst would be debilitating injury, but I figured I could deal with that if it happened. Now, the worst that could happen is still death or debilitating injury, but I guess my point is that actually matters now, a LOT (and add a third "worst" - the baby could get hurt). If I die, I won't be around for Bean. If I'm injured forever, I won't be the same kind of mom for Bean I want to be. If Bean gets hurt, I'll never forgive myself. So now I - a person who gladly walked to the edges of cliffs to see what's down there, a person who was never afraid of flying, or afraid of thugs walking down the street acting dumb - stood in front of this chopper, my heart pounding. Who am I?! I wondered.
The tour was (obviously) safe and successful, and it was pretty damn cool. So I was just working on uploading our photos to Facebook, when I came across the one of me and Alex standing in front of the helicopter. "Oh my God," I muttered. I spent a good, full, five minutes debating whether to even upload that one. I. Am. Puffy. I'm not just belly-pregnant. I'm...bigger. Rounder. Fluffier. Dough-ier. Even in my face. That's how you know it's not just my imagination.
I already have been feeling enormous, as you know. But seeing it. Confirming it with more than a funkified mirror (I don't trust mirrors, really, because I've learned that in general my view of my mirror image doesn't really apply to reality). Staring at it in digital high resolution. This was more than I was prepared for. Which prompted me to search online for other blogs or articles by women who feel this way. (A good one here.) Clearly from all the literature out there, every single woman who gets pregnant has at least some of these thoughts. Maybe some or most other women don't obsess over it like I do, or are more positive about it. But if you meet someone who is in love with her body the whole time she's pregnant - tell her she's a liar.
It's also great when people see me and say, "Wow!" and then ask how far along I am. And then say things like, "Wow your baby is growing fast!" or "Mmmm..you got a long ways to go - and grow!" Uhuh. Thanks. Now shut up and hand me that cookie.
And a little scary. They tell you all about how once you have a child (or one on the way) your perspective on life changes, your priorities change, blahblahblah. Obviously. They don't tell you about the details of what this really means. For most of my adult life, I've lived with the general philosophy, when it comes to risk taking, of "What's the worst that could happen?" And even the worst, death, didn't scare me too much. I suppose the worst would be debilitating injury, but I figured I could deal with that if it happened. Now, the worst that could happen is still death or debilitating injury, but I guess my point is that actually matters now, a LOT (and add a third "worst" - the baby could get hurt). If I die, I won't be around for Bean. If I'm injured forever, I won't be the same kind of mom for Bean I want to be. If Bean gets hurt, I'll never forgive myself. So now I - a person who gladly walked to the edges of cliffs to see what's down there, a person who was never afraid of flying, or afraid of thugs walking down the street acting dumb - stood in front of this chopper, my heart pounding. Who am I?! I wondered.
The tour was (obviously) safe and successful, and it was pretty damn cool. So I was just working on uploading our photos to Facebook, when I came across the one of me and Alex standing in front of the helicopter. "Oh my God," I muttered. I spent a good, full, five minutes debating whether to even upload that one. I. Am. Puffy. I'm not just belly-pregnant. I'm...bigger. Rounder. Fluffier. Dough-ier. Even in my face. That's how you know it's not just my imagination.
I already have been feeling enormous, as you know. But seeing it. Confirming it with more than a funkified mirror (I don't trust mirrors, really, because I've learned that in general my view of my mirror image doesn't really apply to reality). Staring at it in digital high resolution. This was more than I was prepared for. Which prompted me to search online for other blogs or articles by women who feel this way. (A good one here.) Clearly from all the literature out there, every single woman who gets pregnant has at least some of these thoughts. Maybe some or most other women don't obsess over it like I do, or are more positive about it. But if you meet someone who is in love with her body the whole time she's pregnant - tell her she's a liar.
It's also great when people see me and say, "Wow!" and then ask how far along I am. And then say things like, "Wow your baby is growing fast!" or "Mmmm..you got a long ways to go - and grow!" Uhuh. Thanks. Now shut up and hand me that cookie.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Google Images
I firmly discourage any pregnant woman from trying to Google "17 week old fetus" or any similar phrase on Google images. I did just such a thing, out of curiosity as to what Bean might look like right about now. I was met with an abundance of interesting photos - and a surprising number of photos of aborted fetuses at varying ages of gestation.
I vehemently defend a woman's right to choose abortion or not; no one can tell a woman what should happen with her body. But I also firmly believe that abortions should not be performed past the first trimester regardless of any "viability" arguments. I won't get into my reasons here.
After seeing these photos of aborted fetuses, I feel sick and just generally disturbed. Except in the most mitigating circumstances I would not ever consider abortion in my own choices, and after seeing these photos I feel this ever more strongly. Even a fetus at 9 weeks seems too "real" to consider non-human.
So, another truth about pregnancy, especially in this ever-increasingly technologically accessible world - don't Google for images you're not absolutely sure you're ready to see.
I vehemently defend a woman's right to choose abortion or not; no one can tell a woman what should happen with her body. But I also firmly believe that abortions should not be performed past the first trimester regardless of any "viability" arguments. I won't get into my reasons here.
After seeing these photos of aborted fetuses, I feel sick and just generally disturbed. Except in the most mitigating circumstances I would not ever consider abortion in my own choices, and after seeing these photos I feel this ever more strongly. Even a fetus at 9 weeks seems too "real" to consider non-human.
So, another truth about pregnancy, especially in this ever-increasingly technologically accessible world - don't Google for images you're not absolutely sure you're ready to see.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The TRUTH about pregnancy!
I'm not saying pregnancy is awful. (Okay sometimes I say that, but that's because I can be a little dramatic!) But people talk about pregnancy in these dreamy, whimsical terms - about the miracle of a person growing inside you, the incomparable joy of feeling your baby kick and move, the wonder of hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasounds. Those are all true (well, I haven't felt Bean kick yet, but I imagine it will be out of this world). But they don't talk about the bloody noses, bleeding gums, weird gastrointestinal activity, unbelievable fatigue, unparalleled dietary stress, or itchy body parts. Sure, there's the typical warnings about moodiness and freaky food cravings but honestly, that's no big deal when you compare it with all the other unadvertised "side effects." (And, while I've gone through phases of absolutely NEEDING an entire kosher dill pickle several times a week, and obsessing over Yogurtland, I haven't had any of those cravings for absurd combinations like chocolate covered escargot.)
Books like What to Expect When You're Expecting tell you all about how these annoying symptoms are "normal." Don't worry, they write, this is completely normal. As if that makes it less of a pain in the neck. "I'm not worried," I want to yell, "I'm irritated!" That, and the fact that no one reads these books and websites unless they're already preggers - too late! It's like telling someone who just took a bite of too-hot pizza, "Careful, you might burn your mouth." Uh, thanks for the warning. (Actually some people who are TTC - dumb lingo for Trying To Conceive - read these books before they're pregnant I suppose. But these folks conveniently fail to tell the rest of the general public these pregnancy secrets, too.)
Well I'm here to tell the TRUTH. While pregnancy is definitely amazing and awe-striking, and there are parts of it that make all this junk worth it (especially the having the baby part of it, haha), it's not the picnic those dreamy-eyed romantics would have you believe.
For example, pregnancy gives you a superhuman bionic sense of smell. Some may consider this a blessing (they're wrong). And I suppose back in evolutionary history, it was useful being able to sniff out the differences between poisonous and palatable berries, predators and prey. But seeing as how we're no longer hunter-gatherers, this uncanny ability to sniff out the fact that my neighbor six houses down is using ginger in her stir-fry is pretty useless to say the least. I can smell ingredients in the neighborhood dinners, the sweat on unsuspecting strangers ten feet away, cigarette smoke left on someone's clothes from two puffs taken hours ago, and dog poop left behind by irresponsible dog-walkers half a block down. Sure I can smell really great things better too - walking into the lobby of the Ali'i Tower at the Hilton this morning I could smell gardenias. Someone had used gardenia scented lotion in the bathroom - around the corner and through a closed door. I can smell onion rings grilling at Tropics Restaurant near the beach - from the Diamond Head Apartments where our office is, at least two hundred yards away and behind two towers. Even good smells are unbelievably overwhelming. But don't worry. This is totally normal.
They say this is not only normal, but will last till I give birth. I'm considering Botox for my nostrils.
Books like What to Expect When You're Expecting tell you all about how these annoying symptoms are "normal." Don't worry, they write, this is completely normal. As if that makes it less of a pain in the neck. "I'm not worried," I want to yell, "I'm irritated!" That, and the fact that no one reads these books and websites unless they're already preggers - too late! It's like telling someone who just took a bite of too-hot pizza, "Careful, you might burn your mouth." Uh, thanks for the warning. (Actually some people who are TTC - dumb lingo for Trying To Conceive - read these books before they're pregnant I suppose. But these folks conveniently fail to tell the rest of the general public these pregnancy secrets, too.)
Well I'm here to tell the TRUTH. While pregnancy is definitely amazing and awe-striking, and there are parts of it that make all this junk worth it (especially the having the baby part of it, haha), it's not the picnic those dreamy-eyed romantics would have you believe.
For example, pregnancy gives you a superhuman bionic sense of smell. Some may consider this a blessing (they're wrong). And I suppose back in evolutionary history, it was useful being able to sniff out the differences between poisonous and palatable berries, predators and prey. But seeing as how we're no longer hunter-gatherers, this uncanny ability to sniff out the fact that my neighbor six houses down is using ginger in her stir-fry is pretty useless to say the least. I can smell ingredients in the neighborhood dinners, the sweat on unsuspecting strangers ten feet away, cigarette smoke left on someone's clothes from two puffs taken hours ago, and dog poop left behind by irresponsible dog-walkers half a block down. Sure I can smell really great things better too - walking into the lobby of the Ali'i Tower at the Hilton this morning I could smell gardenias. Someone had used gardenia scented lotion in the bathroom - around the corner and through a closed door. I can smell onion rings grilling at Tropics Restaurant near the beach - from the Diamond Head Apartments where our office is, at least two hundred yards away and behind two towers. Even good smells are unbelievably overwhelming. But don't worry. This is totally normal.
They say this is not only normal, but will last till I give birth. I'm considering Botox for my nostrils.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Speaking from the Heart!
We had another appointment on Tuesday, just a check-up. Everything's going great - including my slow and steady weight gain! Haha. My doctor is a weight Nazi. Anyway, we got to hear the heartbeat again, and this time we were prepared! Alex recorded it on his iPhone and below is a clip of it. It's a lot slower than the first time we heard it, which is normal, now that the brain and nervous system is actually regulating the rhythm - no more spastic beats. Enjoy - we did!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Update, genetic screening, and ultrasound
I went for genetic screening today. Unfortunately the appointment time got a little messed up and Alex wasn't able to come for this one. We were both pretty disappointed. My mom came instead and I'm so glad she was there!
Below is a video of pictures captured during the screening and a couple video clips. This was the first part of what they call sequential screening, where they take a bunch of measurements of the baby and also take a blood sample from me, to determine risk factors for certain genetic defects (Down's Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and open neural tube defects). Based on the measurements they took today everything looks good. We have another appointment on November 9th, where they'll draw another sample of blood from me (and have another look at Bean), and once the blood test results are back from both screenings we'll have a 93-95% accurate diagnosis of whether we're at risk for any of these three defects. We'll also get to find out the gender at that appointment! (Some of the pictures look like they might reveal something but they don't.)
Based on the measurements, as of today Bean is a little over three inches long from crown to rump. Bean sure was putting on a show today! Wiggling, swimming around, even "jumping" - pushing the legs out pretty forcefully! It was amazing to see in such detail the five fingers, leg bones, ribs, even the little developing brain. We heard the heartbeat again which was the most incredible part, and at 158 beats per minute, Bean's little heart is growing strong!
To be honest it was a relief to see and hear it for myself again. Since our last "emergency" appointment three and a half weeks ago where we just heard the heartbeat, and our last ultrasound way before that, and since Bean's too little for me to feel movement yet, I've been a bit anxious for "proof" that everything's still okay. They say you worry about your kids no matter how old they get - they don't tell you that worrying about them starts before they're even born!
It doesn't help that I had another (more severe) dizzy spell at work earlier this week. This time my hearing completely disappeared as the black spots started appearing in front of my eyes, and my coordination was even worse (I couldn't put a cap back on a highlighter, I was making typos all over the place as I struggled to finish a reservation, and when I finally left the kiosk I pretty much staggered to the bathroom like a drunk person). I sat on the cold bathroom floor again until the feeling went away, and was transferred to a less demanding, cooler position for the remainder of the day, but I still felt "off" for almost an entire day after that.
But regardless, Bean's doing great, and that's what matters! This is still so surreal...
Below is a video of pictures captured during the screening and a couple video clips. This was the first part of what they call sequential screening, where they take a bunch of measurements of the baby and also take a blood sample from me, to determine risk factors for certain genetic defects (Down's Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and open neural tube defects). Based on the measurements they took today everything looks good. We have another appointment on November 9th, where they'll draw another sample of blood from me (and have another look at Bean), and once the blood test results are back from both screenings we'll have a 93-95% accurate diagnosis of whether we're at risk for any of these three defects. We'll also get to find out the gender at that appointment! (Some of the pictures look like they might reveal something but they don't.)
Based on the measurements, as of today Bean is a little over three inches long from crown to rump. Bean sure was putting on a show today! Wiggling, swimming around, even "jumping" - pushing the legs out pretty forcefully! It was amazing to see in such detail the five fingers, leg bones, ribs, even the little developing brain. We heard the heartbeat again which was the most incredible part, and at 158 beats per minute, Bean's little heart is growing strong!
To be honest it was a relief to see and hear it for myself again. Since our last "emergency" appointment three and a half weeks ago where we just heard the heartbeat, and our last ultrasound way before that, and since Bean's too little for me to feel movement yet, I've been a bit anxious for "proof" that everything's still okay. They say you worry about your kids no matter how old they get - they don't tell you that worrying about them starts before they're even born!
It doesn't help that I had another (more severe) dizzy spell at work earlier this week. This time my hearing completely disappeared as the black spots started appearing in front of my eyes, and my coordination was even worse (I couldn't put a cap back on a highlighter, I was making typos all over the place as I struggled to finish a reservation, and when I finally left the kiosk I pretty much staggered to the bathroom like a drunk person). I sat on the cold bathroom floor again until the feeling went away, and was transferred to a less demanding, cooler position for the remainder of the day, but I still felt "off" for almost an entire day after that.
But regardless, Bean's doing great, and that's what matters! This is still so surreal...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Feelin Gross
I've been struggling the past couple days with feeling really gross and just sort of panicked about, "Oh my god, I'm never going to be thin again." I have a bit of a bump already, and it's only the 12th week, and I can feel my body, uh, "expanding" in other unfortunate areas as well.
I know at this point it's good to be gaining weight, slowly, and it's all part of the process, and normal. I know all that stuff in my head. But my emotions are just like, "Noooooo!!!!!"
It doesn't help that for the majority of my life (like since I was six) I've struggled with body image and weight. I used to pretend I had forgotten my leotard in my first grade dance class so I wouldn't have to wear it, opting instead to get in trouble. I had bouts of "disordered eating" (the newfangled term for just-barely-not-an-eating-disorder) through high school and in fact up until a couple of years ago. I've never had a healthy relationship with food and my own body.
It also doesn't help that "friends" feel like they can now, since I'm preggers, make comments about my expanding middle. Just the other night I was having dinner with Alex at his job, and one of his staff, sort of considered our friend, said, "Wow, if I didn't know you were pregnant I'd have to think you were packin' on some weight." I just gave him one of our family's well-known Pellerin Looks, as he laughed. Then he said, "You didn't think that was funny." No, I stated flatly. "Well I did," he replied, continuing to chuckle. Why is it that men would never comment on a woman's weight under normal circumstances, but feel like everything is free game once we're carrying a life?
The thing is, I know none of these comments are ill-natured. Mostly because the people making them are people Alex and I might consider friends or they're family. I also don't want to make MY body image issues an issue of out-of-proportion sensitivity. (Though when I told my closer friends about the above comment they were pretty offended for me as well.) These things don't even make me mad,really. Just uncomfortable. So I don't even feel comfortable asking people NOT to say these things. Like, I feel like it's MY hang-up to deal with.
Also, if we have a girl, I want to be able to model a good, healthy relationship to food and weight and fitness to our daughter. I don't want her having a skewed vision of herself down the line just because of my issues.
I don't know where I'm really going with this. Just that this in-between, showing-but-not-obviously-pregnant phase is tough. Especially because I feel like it's so early. That's all...
I know at this point it's good to be gaining weight, slowly, and it's all part of the process, and normal. I know all that stuff in my head. But my emotions are just like, "Noooooo!!!!!"
It doesn't help that for the majority of my life (like since I was six) I've struggled with body image and weight. I used to pretend I had forgotten my leotard in my first grade dance class so I wouldn't have to wear it, opting instead to get in trouble. I had bouts of "disordered eating" (the newfangled term for just-barely-not-an-eating-disorder) through high school and in fact up until a couple of years ago. I've never had a healthy relationship with food and my own body.
It also doesn't help that "friends" feel like they can now, since I'm preggers, make comments about my expanding middle. Just the other night I was having dinner with Alex at his job, and one of his staff, sort of considered our friend, said, "Wow, if I didn't know you were pregnant I'd have to think you were packin' on some weight." I just gave him one of our family's well-known Pellerin Looks, as he laughed. Then he said, "You didn't think that was funny." No, I stated flatly. "Well I did," he replied, continuing to chuckle. Why is it that men would never comment on a woman's weight under normal circumstances, but feel like everything is free game once we're carrying a life?
The thing is, I know none of these comments are ill-natured. Mostly because the people making them are people Alex and I might consider friends or they're family. I also don't want to make MY body image issues an issue of out-of-proportion sensitivity. (Though when I told my closer friends about the above comment they were pretty offended for me as well.) These things don't even make me mad,really. Just uncomfortable. So I don't even feel comfortable asking people NOT to say these things. Like, I feel like it's MY hang-up to deal with.
Also, if we have a girl, I want to be able to model a good, healthy relationship to food and weight and fitness to our daughter. I don't want her having a skewed vision of herself down the line just because of my issues.
I don't know where I'm really going with this. Just that this in-between, showing-but-not-obviously-pregnant phase is tough. Especially because I feel like it's so early. That's all...
Sunday, September 26, 2010
First Trimester Done!
Today is 12 weeks, and that means the first trimester is pretty much done! A friend of mine told me that when his wife hit twelve weeks it was like flipping a switch - her nausea was gone, fatigue was gone, all the awfulness was over! I was hoping I'd be the same. While the fatigue is still there somewhat - I fall asleep by 10pm most nights, and I used to be one of those that would gladly stay up till 2 or 3am - it's not like I'm ready to sleep for ten hours by the time lunchtime comes around anymore.
As for the nausea..I'm not sure if it's because the first trimester is finally over, or because I've cut down my dosage of calcium pills from three per day to once a day (I just drink lots of milk, like more than a gallon per week, and eat yogurt instead). I had a sneaking suspicion that the calcium supplements were what was making me sick at night, so about a week ago I cut out my morning and evening calcium pills because I drink at least a glass and a half of milk for breakfast and dinner anyway. Either way, I don't wake up at 1am with a fluttery tummy anymore. I'll still wake up in the middle of the night and be up for an hour or so most nights, but I've been like that my whole life anyway.
Our next appointment isn't for another three weeks, and while that's a good thing considering they take up time and a little bit of money (and no news is good news, at this point), it's a little disappointing that we won't get to see what Bean looks like until then. I'm not even sure if we'll get an ultrasound at that appointment, or if it's just a check-up with a heartbeat listen. Although, the heartbeat was almost more incredible than seeing Bean, so that will be exciting too.
I'm planning on making a baby play blanket with stars and a moon, once I retrieve my sewing machine from my mom's house - and now that I'm not so wiped out every day, that will be a good thing to keep me busy when Alex is at work most nights.
Maybe it's dumb, but we also started a wishlist on Amazon.com for books for the baby. It's a little silly because it's books like Dr. Seuss and Curious George and Courduroy, books I loved when I was little and want our baby to grow up with - but those are for little kids, not little babies. (And Dr. Seuss books are actually pretty long.) Still, books are expensive and we want to start the collection early! We already bought One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish and Green Eggs and Ham, as well as a couple other books Alex remembers from when he was a kid. I'll be reading to Bean before birth, so I guess we'll put the books to use right away. :)
I also made two playlists of music. One is just mellow music, hopefully to help the baby sleep once it's born, and also to calm me down into a sleepy mood when I wake up in the middle of the night now. I put on the iPod and drift off. I know the baby still can't hear outside noises, but I want to get into the habit now, so when it can, I'm already playing music. Another playlist is songs that I love: bouncy happy songs, songs to sing along with, and songs I remember listening to with my parents (mostly my mom) when I was little. I figure once baby's born, and Alex is at work and I'm at home a lot of the time, I'll be able to spend musical time with the baby.
We're both so excited! I know time will pass quickly but for now we just can't wait!
As for the nausea..I'm not sure if it's because the first trimester is finally over, or because I've cut down my dosage of calcium pills from three per day to once a day (I just drink lots of milk, like more than a gallon per week, and eat yogurt instead). I had a sneaking suspicion that the calcium supplements were what was making me sick at night, so about a week ago I cut out my morning and evening calcium pills because I drink at least a glass and a half of milk for breakfast and dinner anyway. Either way, I don't wake up at 1am with a fluttery tummy anymore. I'll still wake up in the middle of the night and be up for an hour or so most nights, but I've been like that my whole life anyway.
Our next appointment isn't for another three weeks, and while that's a good thing considering they take up time and a little bit of money (and no news is good news, at this point), it's a little disappointing that we won't get to see what Bean looks like until then. I'm not even sure if we'll get an ultrasound at that appointment, or if it's just a check-up with a heartbeat listen. Although, the heartbeat was almost more incredible than seeing Bean, so that will be exciting too.
I'm planning on making a baby play blanket with stars and a moon, once I retrieve my sewing machine from my mom's house - and now that I'm not so wiped out every day, that will be a good thing to keep me busy when Alex is at work most nights.
Maybe it's dumb, but we also started a wishlist on Amazon.com for books for the baby. It's a little silly because it's books like Dr. Seuss and Curious George and Courduroy, books I loved when I was little and want our baby to grow up with - but those are for little kids, not little babies. (And Dr. Seuss books are actually pretty long.) Still, books are expensive and we want to start the collection early! We already bought One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish and Green Eggs and Ham, as well as a couple other books Alex remembers from when he was a kid. I'll be reading to Bean before birth, so I guess we'll put the books to use right away. :)
I also made two playlists of music. One is just mellow music, hopefully to help the baby sleep once it's born, and also to calm me down into a sleepy mood when I wake up in the middle of the night now. I put on the iPod and drift off. I know the baby still can't hear outside noises, but I want to get into the habit now, so when it can, I'm already playing music. Another playlist is songs that I love: bouncy happy songs, songs to sing along with, and songs I remember listening to with my parents (mostly my mom) when I was little. I figure once baby's born, and Alex is at work and I'm at home a lot of the time, I'll be able to spend musical time with the baby.
We're both so excited! I know time will pass quickly but for now we just can't wait!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Yikes!
So I guess you could say we had our first "scare" today. Yesterday I stayed home from work with minor cold symptoms and a very slight fever. Tylenol took care of the fever and TLC from Alex took care of the rest. No biggie. So I went back to work today, but twenty minutes into my shift something happened. I started to feel extremely overheated, sweaty, dizzy and weak. In the middle of dealing with a multitude of misbookings, customers checking in, an ancient reservation system, and customers interested in purchasing tickets, sounds and voices started to feel "far away," spots appeared in front of me, and I'm told my speech became slurred. I felt terrible about leaving Kamaile by herself but I also didn't want to pass out - especially not in front of guests. I staggered to the Ali'i Tower bathroom and relished the cold tile floor under me as I called Mom. (I realized soon after that I was in a public bathroom - a high end one, but still public - and sat on the chair instead.) "Tell me what to do," I told her. I've had dizzy spells before, and actually fainted and completely "knocked out" at least twice, so on the one hand, I knew what to do and what to expect. I knew in a little while it would go away. But on the other hand, everything I've ever read or heard says, if something weird happens in the first trimester, DON'T IGNORE IT. Mom agreed. The doctor's office wanted me to come in pretty much right away, which scared me a little. Hands shaking, I returned to the kiosk where Kamaile had dispersed the crowd, and I called my supervisors. They were totally understanding and my manager said, "Just go. Don't worry about your shift. Just go."
Mom wanted to pick me up from work but, stupidly, I was more worried about Mandy getting towed (Mandy is the car). Of course I called Alex too, and told him what was going on. Even though I told him not to leave work, that I would be fine and Mom was taking me to the doctor, he came right home. (What a great guy, right?!)
By the time we got to the doctor, I was feeling a lot better. I felt like such a drama queen. But Dr. Yamasato reassured us that we did the right thing, sent us for blood tests, and...we got to hear the heartbeat! She checked it to be sure Bean was doing fine and it was the most amazing thing we've ever heard! I wanted to just lie there and listen forever. I stared at Alex and felt so connected. I know I keep saying "it was the most amazing thing" but I guess that's part of being a new parent - everything, especially the "firsts," is more amazing than the thing before it.
God I just realized the word "parent" will soon apply to me. Somehow "Mom," and "Mommy" don't sound as daunting as "parent!" So official and responsible sounding. Yikes (the second one of the day)!
Mom wanted to pick me up from work but, stupidly, I was more worried about Mandy getting towed (Mandy is the car). Of course I called Alex too, and told him what was going on. Even though I told him not to leave work, that I would be fine and Mom was taking me to the doctor, he came right home. (What a great guy, right?!)
By the time we got to the doctor, I was feeling a lot better. I felt like such a drama queen. But Dr. Yamasato reassured us that we did the right thing, sent us for blood tests, and...we got to hear the heartbeat! She checked it to be sure Bean was doing fine and it was the most amazing thing we've ever heard! I wanted to just lie there and listen forever. I stared at Alex and felt so connected. I know I keep saying "it was the most amazing thing" but I guess that's part of being a new parent - everything, especially the "firsts," is more amazing than the thing before it.
God I just realized the word "parent" will soon apply to me. Somehow "Mom," and "Mommy" don't sound as daunting as "parent!" So official and responsible sounding. Yikes (the second one of the day)!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Ultrasound video
We had our second ultrasound yesterday! We were amazed at how much the baby grew and developed in just two weeks. Below is a video of a couple of clips we took during the ultrasound. Just as I stopped recording the first clip, little Bean started moving like crazy! Waving its little arm buds and wiggling around. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Of course, as soon as I started recording again, it got shy. Still, if you watch carefully, in the second clip you can kind of see its left arm waving a little. We're not sure if it was waving hello or saying, "Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here. Leave me alone!" You can't really see it in the video but we were sort of able to see the heart beating, too.
10 weeks and two days means I'm that much closer to being finished with the first trimester! Woohoo! Already I'm feeling a teeny bit less exhausted, and the "morning" sickness mostly occurs right after I've eaten and at night (unfortunately when I'm trying to sleep).
Enjoy the video! (Try the first one first, it has audio. Youtube disabled my audio but if the first one doesn't work on your computer silent is better than nothing, right?)
10 weeks and two days means I'm that much closer to being finished with the first trimester! Woohoo! Already I'm feeling a teeny bit less exhausted, and the "morning" sickness mostly occurs right after I've eaten and at night (unfortunately when I'm trying to sleep).
Enjoy the video! (Try the first one first, it has audio. Youtube disabled my audio but if the first one doesn't work on your computer silent is better than nothing, right?)
Monday, September 13, 2010
A Bit of a Rant
I just want to set a few things straight.
1) I'm about ten weeks, or two months, along. Which means that no, I'm not "showing" a "baby bump" yet. In fact according to the literature, our baby is about an inch long or maybe a little more. So that "bump" you may be inclined to point out is really just gas, fat, and uterus. So for the sake of my ego please resist the urge to coo over and pet my bloated belly.
2) That brings me to my next rant. Please don't touch me. Resist all temptation to reach out and pat what you perceive as my baby bump. Even when I start to "show," that baby bump is still ME. I'm not a real touchy-feely person to begin with, hugs are awkward for me usually, and having a cute creature inside of me doesn't change that. You would ask before petting my dog, right? So ask before petting my baby too, please. (For the record, for now, the answer will be a universal "no.")
3) Not that it's anyone's business, but no, Alex and I don't have plans to get married immediately. Unless your name is Joan, Balladyna, Clarence, Nick or Jane, we really don't care if you think we should get married. In fact, we find unsolicited advice to rush into marriage quite offensive. A baby's arrival doesn't equal a prescription for marriage, because as far as we were aware, this isn't 1952. Marriage, for us, is about committing to another person in love and partnership for the rest of our lives. It's not about a legal contract, or legal benefits or insurance. It's more important to model a healthy, loving relationship for a child than to be "traditional" and force each other into a committment based solely on circumstance. Our experiences with unhealthy and failed marriages within each of our immediate and extended families make us especially adamant about this. So keep your unnecessary opinions to yourself thank you.
That being said, the vast majority of our friends and family have been nothing but happy, excited, and supportive. We appreciate the positive energy and love you for it. We have another ultrasound coming up so stay tuned for a visual update!
Friday, September 3, 2010
First ultrasound!
Oh my gosh, I was already called out for being a blogging slacker! Haha, sorry, but first trimester exhaustion is making life pretty - well, exhausting. I wake up early, make some breakfast, take a shower and head off to work. After work I'm so wiped out and starving that I take a shower, eat some dinner and conk out until about 1 or 2am. Then I'm up for a couple of hours until I give in and eat a small snack to make the nausea go away, and then I fall asleep again. It's a sad routine. And it's frustrating that I have no energy to even turn on the computer when I get home.
Someone asked me the other day how I feel so far about pregnancy - I told them, "To be honest, so far it sucks." People talk about loving being pregnant, how great they feel. So far for me, it's equated mostly just to constant low-level nausea, an exhaustion that feels like the flu, insomnia worse than I already had it, and a need to pee that makes the phrase "frequent urge to urinate" a joke. Even when I'm peeing, I need to pee. They tell me the second trimester is great. Only four more weeks to go...
But on a happier note, we had our first ultrasound on Tuesday! We found out that the actual due date is April 14th, based on the size of the fetus. We even saw the heartbeat. It's a pretty weird concept to know this little creature is growing inside of me. The book (What to Expect When You're Expecting) says our little bean is about the size of a raspberry right now. I bet it's red and bumpy like a raspberry too. Heehee, sorry Bean, not to tease or anything. :)
Anyway below is a copy of the ultrasound, labeled by my doctor. Our first baby picture! :)
Someone asked me the other day how I feel so far about pregnancy - I told them, "To be honest, so far it sucks." People talk about loving being pregnant, how great they feel. So far for me, it's equated mostly just to constant low-level nausea, an exhaustion that feels like the flu, insomnia worse than I already had it, and a need to pee that makes the phrase "frequent urge to urinate" a joke. Even when I'm peeing, I need to pee. They tell me the second trimester is great. Only four more weeks to go...
But on a happier note, we had our first ultrasound on Tuesday! We found out that the actual due date is April 14th, based on the size of the fetus. We even saw the heartbeat. It's a pretty weird concept to know this little creature is growing inside of me. The book (What to Expect When You're Expecting) says our little bean is about the size of a raspberry right now. I bet it's red and bumpy like a raspberry too. Heehee, sorry Bean, not to tease or anything. :)
Anyway below is a copy of the ultrasound, labeled by my doctor. Our first baby picture! :)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The beginning!
Well it's been quite an eventful couple of weeks! On the 14th of August, Alex and I left with my mom and stepdad for Seattle, where our long awaited Alaskan cruise was to begin! In Seattle, we met up with my grandma, uncle and two cousins for the family trip of a lifetime.
While we were at sea, between Juneau and Skagway, Alex and I decided we couldn't wait until our vacation was over before we took a home pregnancy test, and once we got to Skagway we found a local grocery store that had them. Just as the ship was leaving Skagway, we read the results - we're going to be a mommy and daddy! A crazy rush of emotions rushed over us all at once. Fear, happiness, love, excitement - and for me, nausea...
When we returned from Alaska, we immediately made an appointment with my doctor. Just a few days ago he confirmed it - we're going to be parents! Then came the daunting tasks of telling our parents. Thankfully, my mom was thrilled and supportive - Alex and I both breathed a sigh of relief. My dad was happy as well - I think he cried a little when I told him. In fact, my whole family has been supportive and excited for us. Alex still has to tell his mom - he plans to call her tomorrow. I'm still nervous about that.
So here's a blog to keep our family and friends posted on our progress. Once the baby is born (if we have the time and energy - a BIG if!) we hope to keep this blog updated with progress reports, pictures and maybe short videos. I hope you'll join us on this most important, exciting, nerve-wracking journey!
While we were at sea, between Juneau and Skagway, Alex and I decided we couldn't wait until our vacation was over before we took a home pregnancy test, and once we got to Skagway we found a local grocery store that had them. Just as the ship was leaving Skagway, we read the results - we're going to be a mommy and daddy! A crazy rush of emotions rushed over us all at once. Fear, happiness, love, excitement - and for me, nausea...
When we returned from Alaska, we immediately made an appointment with my doctor. Just a few days ago he confirmed it - we're going to be parents! Then came the daunting tasks of telling our parents. Thankfully, my mom was thrilled and supportive - Alex and I both breathed a sigh of relief. My dad was happy as well - I think he cried a little when I told him. In fact, my whole family has been supportive and excited for us. Alex still has to tell his mom - he plans to call her tomorrow. I'm still nervous about that.
So here's a blog to keep our family and friends posted on our progress. Once the baby is born (if we have the time and energy - a BIG if!) we hope to keep this blog updated with progress reports, pictures and maybe short videos. I hope you'll join us on this most important, exciting, nerve-wracking journey!
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