I feel much better..even though I feel much worse..

Isabella's room is coming together nicely. Alex drilled the holes for two of the three wall hanging areas (we have concrete walls), so there's a pretty picture of a purple flower above the changing table. Also there's a super pretty wall hanging with her name that Jess and Grace made hanging above her crib. I made a photo cluster of zoo animals (literally, photos of animals at the zoo we took a couple months ago) in lavendar frames that will go on the opposite wall. Soon, Alex will hang hooks on the wall next to her closet for things like diaper bags (and later, whatever she wants to hang, like a towel, or whatever). We had one baby shower last week Sunday, for our friends, and it was really fun! We got so much stuff. Our friends sure are generous! I was a little overwhelmed when we brought the stuff home and put it in her room to be put away and organized. I let it sit there for a few days before I got up the energy to put things where they belong. Also washed all her clothes that we got that day and that we've received since people found out we were pregnant. She already has so many clothes! Oh dear.

Work has calmed down a lot which is lucky because my symptoms are getting more and more difficult to cope with. The heartburn is still an issue but it's one I get around by mostly never eating later than 3 or 4 or 5 pm. Actually 5 pm is even a little too late but sometimes I just can't help it. I can't even have milk or other liquid except water. And even that, I have to drink most of my water during the day. I have become an avid fan of chewing ice at night. Don't tell my dentist.

But now that I've sort of figured a (pain in the ass) way around the heartburn/reflux issue, more issues are popping up. My feet swell to nearly TWICE their normal size if I'm on my feet for any length of time, OR if I'm sitting for any length of time without them being 100% elevated. So basically, they're always enormous. I actually had to call in sick to work on Friday because they were so swollen, and my legs and even my knees were swollen, so much so that walking to the car (heck, even to the bathroom), standing in the shower, anything, was super painful and my knees kept buckling. Add to that my chest has been hurting and feeling really tight and pressured, and breathing has become a chore, and I'm pretty much over this whole pregnancy experience. Sleep is the opposite of restful and I actually dread the effort every night, even though I'm exhausted. And maybe this is TMI but my groin area is in constant pain. Sharp, shooting pains spark through that area any time I try to move - getting out of bed, even turning over from my left to right or right to left in bed, getting out of the car, standing up, walking. And sometimes when I'm just sitting here, there's a pain there that is a cross between sharp and shooting but also throbbing.

So I went to the doctor on Friday, and all the answers were basically non-answers. The swelling isn't dangerous by itself, but they're watching my protein levels and blood pressure because of it. I got compression stockings for the swelling which are so ugly (but not any more ugly than disgustingly swollen sausage feet and legs), and help. Today in our prepared childbirth class, I was wearing them, and my feet started to swell anyway, which only made it more sore, because it was like when you tie a rubber band around your finger and watch it turn purple. But mostly they do help prevent the swelling from being totally excruciating. The chest pain and breathing stuff seemed to stump the doctor - obviously some breathlessness is normal on account of a baby leaving little room for lung expansion. But they said my breath sounds and cardiac sounds were okay, and they didn't know why I'm feeling tightness and pressure. I am to wait and see if it persists. Or call again if it gets really really really bad. Finally, I was told the groinal pain is normal and will probably get worse, due to loosening of the pelvic bones and joints. Yeah. I don't care what's normal. I care that I can't move without feeling like I'm ripping something apart.. We have another appointment on Tuesday so they are going to check everything again.

But as I was sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office, a woman who had just finished a post-partum check up came out, carrying her 6 week old son. So cute! So little! She sat in the waiting room after she was done because she wanted to feed him before he got fussy, and we ended up chatting. She told me that she completely hated her whole entire pregnancy experience. The whole time. 100%. She wanted to be that woman who is glowing and happy and appreciative of the miracle happening inside. But, she said, she had every bad symptom possible, and had it intensely. She said she was so over it that when her son was born she didn't even miss feeling him inside of her. She was just glad to be done. I feel so much less like an awful, negative person and bad mommy now! Like, yes! Someone out there also felt the whole time like it sucked! Well for me, it's not the whole time. I have good days (or, I did - it's been a while). And I still am fascinated by Isabella's movements and I know I will miss it. But other than that, there is nothing fun about this! And it's not just because I'm a wuss!

AND, she said that during her pregnancy she gained 60 pounds. SIXTY. Six - Zero. And I am sitting here looking at this woman going, you're not even big right now. Only 6 weeks later. She was a little fleshy and pudgy in spots (there's always that mommy pooch on your tummy), but not overweight and definitely did not look like she had gained 60 pounds during her pregnancy. Unless she was like anorexic thin when she got pregnant. But she said she was definitely "in trouble" with our Nazi doctor with her weight gain which tells me she wasn't supposed to gain 60 pounds. So even though I've gained past my "allowed" 25 pounds already (so far have gained about 30 pounds), I don't feel like a total hippopotamus (as long as I don't look at photos of myself..). And seeing that she still looks normal even though she gained 60 pounds, gives me hope that I won't be an oompah-loompah for very long after Isabella pops out. This lady wasn't even breastfeeding, and I (hopefully) will be, so that will help even more!

We have like 5 more weeks to go. We have the family baby shower tomorrow which should be fun. And then we have to sort of make sure and buy the rest of the stuff that we don't receive, and finish her room. Install the car seat. Little things around the house to get out of the way. Pack the bag for the hospital. I feel like there's more that I'm totally forgetting. Hmmm...