We are 30 days away from our due date! This is so exciting! I was talking to Kat last night and telling her how I just want to meet our baby already! I can't stand waiting at this point. (And not just because my belly now rests on my lap when I sit upright in a chair...) We want to see what she looks like, hear her voice, smell her (after they've wiped her down at least...), and just HOLD her!
I'm getting a little anxious about labor and the first few days, but not really. What I'm anxious about, more, is a little vain, actually. I am totally convinced that I am going to need a tummy tuck after this child-bearing business is all finished. Everyone in person keeps telling me, "Nahhh you haven't actually gained that much weight - your belly is big but the rest of you is the same," and "Don't worry I bet you'll be one of those people that just loses all the weight fast." Alex keeps telling me not to worry and I'll be back to prepregnancy size in no time. But trust me, the way my clothes fit, I can tell it's not just my belly that has expanded (and even if it was - all that skin!). I mean, I admit, I'm lucky that our doctor is a crazed psycho that monitors my diet and weight way more than anyone has ever heard of, because it's true that I haven't gained a TON of weight. But my butt and thighs are definitely more uh, sturdy..and my arms and back are notably fleshier (back fat is the WORST!). And (okay brace yourself or skip ahead because this part is totally gross) there's this band of flesh just under my belly and above my pubic area like where the waistband of normal people's low-rider jeans would go, that is like spongy and soft and totally pinch-able and it is NOT part of the hard, uterine, pregnancy belly. It is pure unadulterated FAT. And if everyone is really expecting that I'll just shrink back, oh God the pressure...
But I digress. Talking to Kat last night, I was telling her that okay, I have this really unavoidable pregnant belly that is 110% impossible to forget, but sometimes I still don't feel like all this is real. Like, I'm going to be a Mom. Alex is going to be a Dad. We're going to have a real, live, human baby in like less than a month. We're going to be parents FOREVER. This baby will grow up into a person. I look at my friends' kids that I've watched grow maybe over the past five or six years and I just can't imagine what our lives will look like in five or six years. I mean, really, every time I take a moment to think back even ONE year (no matter what time of year it is, not just on occasions), I realize I NEVER would have imagined that in just a year my life would look like this (whatever "this" is at the moment I have this periodic revelation). I can't even imagine what our day-to-day life will look like in two months, let alone a year. Life is amazing if you stop and let yourself get carried away with thinking about all this.
I fear what our society will look like in the future as Isabella grows up. Things were so much simpler when Alex and I were kids. I know that's true for every generation. I hope we can give her as much time to be a kid, be innocent, be carefree, as possible (without raising a totally clueless, spoiled brat of course). We really want to give her a childhood she can cherish and remember fondly. We were both lucky in that even though our parents may have had some harder times, and there were things we may have been aware of "before our time," we both had happy, healthy childhoods and in the end we always knew the security of unconditional love. In the end, that's all we really want for our daughter - health, happiness, security, and curiosity. The rest tends to take care of itself.
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