Dear Isabella,
My goodness, sweetie, life with you sure is a roller coaster. We are still trying to figure out if you are colicky or just a really needy baby, but every night about 9:30pm you start to cry, and many nights you are just inconsolable until about 1 or 2am. Other nights we can get you to quiet down and doze off a little but no deep sleep and definitely no putting you down in the cradle or anywhere else - you want to be held by a human! And your crazy little arms need to be restrained by swaddling you or else they go all over the place and wake you up and upset you. Changing your formula and the bottle we use has seemed to help your tummy troubles, mostly. Hopefully we continue to make progress because everyone is so tired - me, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa Nick!
It feels like time is flying by but it also feels like you're much older than 3 weeks. It seems like ages and ages ago that I was still pregnant with you. Before I forget I want to tell you about some of the nicer things from when I was pregnant. A lot of my pregnancy was really really tough, and pretty unpleasant. I spent a lot of time on this blog talking about all the hard things. I didn't take the time to write down a lot of the wonderful things, especially towards the very very end. Feeling you move inside of me was the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life. Knowing you were there, all the time, and when I felt you move, knowing that meant you were happy and healthy - that was priceless. Sometimes I'd be having a conversation with someone - often a customer - and you would start to wiggle around. I always felt like we were having our own secret conversation at the same time.
On my last day of work, your Daddy went walking around the block with me. I was so uncomfortable and anxious for you to arrive and I had heard that walking would encourage you to come faster. It was a really hot day, and our neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks or much shade. But your Daddy walked with me around the block (I couldn't handle much further than that!) and helped me feel better. That was the Friday before you were born.
On the Monday before you were born, your Grandma went to Ala Moana with me for the same reason - I just wanted to walk around the mall. We went looking for shoes for her, but mainly the reason was just to walk from Sears to Macy's and back. Man, oh man, walking made my pelvis and back hurt so much! But I was determined to walk as much as possible so that you would come faster!
Your Grandma and Daddy took really good care of us the whole time I was pregnant with you, but especially right before you were born. Everyone was so excited to meet you and also they felt so sorry for me being so uncomfortable. Even Orange seemed to sense that something was about to happen. He cuddled with me a lot in the nights when I was by myself.
The Saturday before you were born, your Daddy and I had lunch with a bunch of our greatest friends. Aunty Pi'ilani, Aunty Amber, Uncle Shaun and Uncle Jeremy met us at Wahoo Fish Tacos for lunch. Aunty Amber and Uncle Shaun brought little Camdyn, who was so excited to meet you! Uncle Jeremy kept telling us how much he hoped you would come a little early, since he was scheduled to deploy to Afghanistan on April 10th. We had a really nice afternoon with all of them, talking and catching up. Aunty Amber used to work with your Daddy at Senor Frog's, and Aunty Pi'i and Uncle Jeremy used to hang out with me when I would go and spend time at Daddy's work. We all have a lot of really fun memories together. And now that you're here, we'll be making a lot more memories together too!
I was supposed to spend time with your Aunty Christina while I was on maternity leave also - she was going to go with me to this ceramics place to paint some pottery, to keep me distracted from being sore and itchy. We were supposed to go on the Friday of the week you were born - but I had to text her and say, let's reschedule because here she comes!
You're so loved, little Bean, and so am I. We are so lucky to have so many wonderful people in our lives that love and care for us. And I love you more than you'll ever know!
Happy three week birthday my girl. Let's see what the next week has in store for us...
Love you,
Mommy
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
First Field Trip!
Dear Isabella,
Today was the first day I took you out all by myself! Not counting going to the doctor, or driving to Grandma's house. You and I went to visit Daddy at work, and you got to see Tío Chavo and Tío Julio again, and you got to meet Uncle Brian and Uncle Felipe and Tío Paco. We also went downstairs to Starbucks and you got to see Aunty Jess again!
You even started crying when we were at Daddy's office because we were there long enough that it was time for you to eat again. But once you got your bottle you were a happy camper. You were alert and awake for everyone to see your pretty eyes! Uncle Brian said he thought your hair was pretty.
Daddy took us to eat pho for lunch after he finished in the office and you slept right through lunch.
It was quite an exciting day, my girl. Right now you're sleeping in Grandma's arms - today really wiped you out!
I love you! I can't wait to take you walking in the park and visiting more people soon.
Love you forever,
Mommy
Today was the first day I took you out all by myself! Not counting going to the doctor, or driving to Grandma's house. You and I went to visit Daddy at work, and you got to see Tío Chavo and Tío Julio again, and you got to meet Uncle Brian and Uncle Felipe and Tío Paco. We also went downstairs to Starbucks and you got to see Aunty Jess again!
You even started crying when we were at Daddy's office because we were there long enough that it was time for you to eat again. But once you got your bottle you were a happy camper. You were alert and awake for everyone to see your pretty eyes! Uncle Brian said he thought your hair was pretty.
Daddy took us to eat pho for lunch after he finished in the office and you slept right through lunch.
It was quite an exciting day, my girl. Right now you're sleeping in Grandma's arms - today really wiped you out!
I love you! I can't wait to take you walking in the park and visiting more people soon.
Love you forever,
Mommy
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Two Weeks Old!
Dear Isabella,
You're two weeks old today! We are learning more and more about how to take care of you as best as possible and make you happy as much as possible every day. Having a newborn sure is like being a detective. Or a lab scientist. Hypothesize, experiment, evaluate... It's been another roller coaster week, my little Bean, let me tell you. Just when we think we have something figured out, you change your mind or something else comes up.
You had your two week check up a couple days early because of Daddy's work schedule, on Tuesday, and the doctor said even though you have so much trouble staying asleep, you are doing perfectly. You weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces, just half an ounce less than your birth weight, which is great. In fact your weight, length, and head measurements are all at exactly the 50th percentile mark. You, my dear, are literally exactly "normal."
We discovered you really like co-sleeping - but don't tell any of the doctors, they say it's too dangerous. Grandma also discovered you like the mobile in your crib, and the vibration in your swings and bouncer and playpen. You also get really interested in music.
You make funny faces when you're making a diaper - usually you get really still and make a tiny "O" with your mouth and your eyes get a little wide and round.
You are already very opinionated! When you don't want something we offer (like your pacifier) you make the most sour, irritated face. And once you decide you do want something (like your pacifier) you want it NOW! You seem to have a bit of a temper also - once you decide you're hungry or want to be carried (so, always) you get angry so fast. Crying and squirming and so red!
Mommy wasn't doing so good this week, angel. On Sunday I was on the phone with your Grandma, and suddenly became very cold. I was shivering and had goosebumps and I could tell my skin was cold because you didn't like it when I touched you. I asked Grandma, "Isn't it supposed to be Kona winds or really hot or something?" she said yes, the weather hadn't changed. I didn't really pay much attention, just turned off the fan. When you got too hot we moved into our bedroom, turned on the AC and I hid under the covers. But all day Monday I was hot and cold and had sweats and chills. I called the doctor and she said to call Tuesday if I was still feverish and to just watch the fever to make sure it didn't rise. Well, Monday night it started rising really fast. I had you by myself and the body aches and weakness was starting to scare me. When my fever got to be 103.5 I asked your Daddy to come home from work so we could go to the hospital, and your Grandma came all the way from Kaneohe to babysit you at 10pm. In the ER, they took me right away, and when they took my temperature it was 104.2! Your body can start to cook itself after 104 degrees or you could go into shock! They gave me Tylenol and IV fluids, and took a LOT of blood for blood tests. After a couple hours they still didn't know what it was - they didn't even know if it was a virus or bacterial infection. They did say it wasn't the flu, and we were glad - we were so worried if I had given YOU the flu. My fever came down a little and they told us to follow up with our doctor the next day. Finally on Tuesday, the doctor diagnosed me with mastitis - with also a possible uterine infection! Double whammy! They prescribed antibiotics and to follow up again today. Turns out the infection actually got worse instead of better, and now I'm on TWO different antibiotics - and one of them isn't safe for breast milk.
This whole week the amount I've been able to pump for you has gotten less and less, and now it looks like we have to supplement with formula. Before this started I was pumping enough to have extra to store for later but now I'm hardly making any, and on top of that with the medicine I have to dump it anyway. We're still not sure your tummy can handle the formula we have. If not we'll have to go through several days of experimenting with different formulas, and that means your tummy might hurt more than usual.
Isabella, honey, I'm so, so sorry. I feel like this is my fault, and I've already failed you somehow. Mastitis usually starts with a blocked milk duct, which usually happens if you stop or reduce pumping or nursing too abruptly. This past weekend I started skipping pumping sessions instead of pumping EVERY time you eat, so I could sleep more. Then my duct got blocked and then infected, and for a couple days I could hardly take care of you - Daddy and Grandma did pretty much everything because I was so feverish and weak (Thank goodness we have them!). And now my milk is going away AND now I have to stop giving it to you anyway (temporarily, but it keeps getting less and less, even in the uninfected breast)! All because I got lazy and selfish about how inconvenient pumping is! I know there are lots of really healthy kids whose mommies never gave them breastmilk at all, or whose mommies also had to stop for a lot of other reasons, and they are just fine, and I know it doesn't mean I don't love you enough. But I also know breastmilk is the BEST thing for you and I feel like if I could help it I should give as much as possible. And I feel like I totally could have prevented this. I know it doesn't make sense to feel so guilty and sad about it but I do. I'm sorry, Baby Bean. I hope my milk comes back for you when I get rid of this infection.
You're growing so much every day, little girl. When I show you outside you look interested, and I keep promising you we can go explore more soon. Things keep coming up. Maybe in this next week I'll be able to bring you out and you can see what things look like outside of home and doctor's offices. I hope so.
I love you so much, and your Daddy and I still tell each other every day how lucky we both feel to have been blessed with you. Even on the toughest days, you hold my heart in your beautiful eyes.
Love always,
Your Mommy
You're two weeks old today! We are learning more and more about how to take care of you as best as possible and make you happy as much as possible every day. Having a newborn sure is like being a detective. Or a lab scientist. Hypothesize, experiment, evaluate... It's been another roller coaster week, my little Bean, let me tell you. Just when we think we have something figured out, you change your mind or something else comes up.
You had your two week check up a couple days early because of Daddy's work schedule, on Tuesday, and the doctor said even though you have so much trouble staying asleep, you are doing perfectly. You weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces, just half an ounce less than your birth weight, which is great. In fact your weight, length, and head measurements are all at exactly the 50th percentile mark. You, my dear, are literally exactly "normal."
We discovered you really like co-sleeping - but don't tell any of the doctors, they say it's too dangerous. Grandma also discovered you like the mobile in your crib, and the vibration in your swings and bouncer and playpen. You also get really interested in music.
You make funny faces when you're making a diaper - usually you get really still and make a tiny "O" with your mouth and your eyes get a little wide and round.
You are already very opinionated! When you don't want something we offer (like your pacifier) you make the most sour, irritated face. And once you decide you do want something (like your pacifier) you want it NOW! You seem to have a bit of a temper also - once you decide you're hungry or want to be carried (so, always) you get angry so fast. Crying and squirming and so red!
Mommy wasn't doing so good this week, angel. On Sunday I was on the phone with your Grandma, and suddenly became very cold. I was shivering and had goosebumps and I could tell my skin was cold because you didn't like it when I touched you. I asked Grandma, "Isn't it supposed to be Kona winds or really hot or something?" she said yes, the weather hadn't changed. I didn't really pay much attention, just turned off the fan. When you got too hot we moved into our bedroom, turned on the AC and I hid under the covers. But all day Monday I was hot and cold and had sweats and chills. I called the doctor and she said to call Tuesday if I was still feverish and to just watch the fever to make sure it didn't rise. Well, Monday night it started rising really fast. I had you by myself and the body aches and weakness was starting to scare me. When my fever got to be 103.5 I asked your Daddy to come home from work so we could go to the hospital, and your Grandma came all the way from Kaneohe to babysit you at 10pm. In the ER, they took me right away, and when they took my temperature it was 104.2! Your body can start to cook itself after 104 degrees or you could go into shock! They gave me Tylenol and IV fluids, and took a LOT of blood for blood tests. After a couple hours they still didn't know what it was - they didn't even know if it was a virus or bacterial infection. They did say it wasn't the flu, and we were glad - we were so worried if I had given YOU the flu. My fever came down a little and they told us to follow up with our doctor the next day. Finally on Tuesday, the doctor diagnosed me with mastitis - with also a possible uterine infection! Double whammy! They prescribed antibiotics and to follow up again today. Turns out the infection actually got worse instead of better, and now I'm on TWO different antibiotics - and one of them isn't safe for breast milk.
This whole week the amount I've been able to pump for you has gotten less and less, and now it looks like we have to supplement with formula. Before this started I was pumping enough to have extra to store for later but now I'm hardly making any, and on top of that with the medicine I have to dump it anyway. We're still not sure your tummy can handle the formula we have. If not we'll have to go through several days of experimenting with different formulas, and that means your tummy might hurt more than usual.
Isabella, honey, I'm so, so sorry. I feel like this is my fault, and I've already failed you somehow. Mastitis usually starts with a blocked milk duct, which usually happens if you stop or reduce pumping or nursing too abruptly. This past weekend I started skipping pumping sessions instead of pumping EVERY time you eat, so I could sleep more. Then my duct got blocked and then infected, and for a couple days I could hardly take care of you - Daddy and Grandma did pretty much everything because I was so feverish and weak (Thank goodness we have them!). And now my milk is going away AND now I have to stop giving it to you anyway (temporarily, but it keeps getting less and less, even in the uninfected breast)! All because I got lazy and selfish about how inconvenient pumping is! I know there are lots of really healthy kids whose mommies never gave them breastmilk at all, or whose mommies also had to stop for a lot of other reasons, and they are just fine, and I know it doesn't mean I don't love you enough. But I also know breastmilk is the BEST thing for you and I feel like if I could help it I should give as much as possible. And I feel like I totally could have prevented this. I know it doesn't make sense to feel so guilty and sad about it but I do. I'm sorry, Baby Bean. I hope my milk comes back for you when I get rid of this infection.
You're growing so much every day, little girl. When I show you outside you look interested, and I keep promising you we can go explore more soon. Things keep coming up. Maybe in this next week I'll be able to bring you out and you can see what things look like outside of home and doctor's offices. I hope so.
I love you so much, and your Daddy and I still tell each other every day how lucky we both feel to have been blessed with you. Even on the toughest days, you hold my heart in your beautiful eyes.
Love always,
Your Mommy
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Happy One Week Birthday!
Dear Isabella,
Today you are one week old! What a week it has been! Getting to know you in the hospital was a nice adventure. I was still healing - oh boy that delivery really took it out of me. I was sore in all kinds of places, my hip hurt from pushing (or falling, we're not sure) so much that they sent a physical therapist to help me, and I felt so frustrated being so helpless - your Daddy had to help me to do everything, even just sitting up in bed! We had lots of visitors. So many people had been so anxious to meet you after all these months! You had quite the fan club. Uncle Jeremy was so happy that you came early! He had to go to Afghanistan on the 10th and he's going to be gone one whole year, so he was really hoping to be able to meet you before he left.
We were excited to bring you home - I was nervous too. And that first day and night was really, really hard. In the hospital you had been nursing really well, but when we brought you home you did not want to have anything to do with it! And you were so hungry and upset! You cried and cried and cried and we didn't know what to do. We called Grandma and Grandpa Nick and they came to help us, and we also called your pediatrician. You cried almost with no stopping for hours! All afternoon! And I could tell by how you were acting that you were so hungry! But you wouldn't nurse. I cried a lot that day - I didn't know how to make you feel better. Finally around 5pm the pediatrician told us to just give you one ounce of formula to tide you over and make sure you didn't get dehydrated. I was devastated! But she assured us that giving you just this little bit of formula from a bottle wouldn't make you never want to nurse again. Daddy went and got formula and also got a pump for me so I could still simulate nursing. He was really worried too.
Finally we got you to calm down and you finally got some rest. The next couple of days were definitely all about learning. Learning how to feed you the way you wanted, learning how to get you to sleep (we're actually still learning that...), learning how to change your diaper quickly, and learning your schedule (just when we figure it out we realize you don't really have one). Boy oh boy me and Daddy have been so tired. The days just blend together. Thank goodness for your Grandma though - she has been staying with us a lot of nights because Daddy had to go back to work on Sunday. My doctor gave us strict orders that I must get more sleep, so Grandma has been helping at night so much so that I can sleep in between your feedings.
Daddy comes home from a long night at work and feeds you and changes you too, if Grandma's not here. And when he comes home in the afternoon he takes over so I can rest a little (but there's always so many chores!). We take turns. He's just such a good Daddy. Everyone loves you so much, so even though it's hard and tiring work, we all feel so good when you're happy and content. You've been having tummy troubles, and I'm trying to figure out if it's something I'm eating that is making you have so much trouble, but I feel so sad when you're so unhappy. We have figured out that when your tummy hurts it feels good for you to sleep face down on our chest. We can't put you in the crib or bassinet that way because you might suffocate. So some nights, Daddy and I take turns sleeping with you on our chests - even if we can sleep when you sleep, it gets pretty uncomfortable to not be able to move or turn on our sides! But it's worth it, if that's the only way your tummy can feel okay enough for you to sleep. Also, you overheat really easily. So we have you in our bedroom a lot, where there's air conditioning, especially in the late afternoon when it's the hottest.
We also discovered you love sleeping in your car seat. So there are lots of pictures of you in there. It feels kind of silly to have you in there so much, but if it makes you happy then that's what we'll do!
Another thing that works is swaddling you. We all just can't get it right in terms of swaddling you with a blanket, but luckily Grandma brought a swaddling cloth that Aunty Debbie and Uncle Kevin gave us that Nya used to use, and we use that a lot. You hate it at first when we wrap you up (like a little Bean burrito!) because you love to have your hands free, but once we finish wrapping you, you're much happier. But you are so stubborn, because like Houdini, you manage to wriggle your hands up to your face eventually and we have to start all over.
You also make the funniest faces when you're just falling asleep. I love just watching you. I could stare at you for hours - if there wasn't so much other stuff to do! And you make the funniest noises. You randomly make this little squeak, and make the cutest cooing noises, and just recently you started sort of snorting like a tiny horse when you are lying on my chest - you'll breathe in deeply and then snort out the air. You sneeze a lot too but the doctor said it's nothing.
To celebrate your one week birthday Daddy took us to Zippy's for lunch. We used to go to the same Zippy's after almost every doctor's appointment while I was pregnant. It's like a tradition now. Lucky us, Daddy worked from home today - hopefully he can do that as often as possible for the day-times. At Zippy's all the waitresses said how cute you are. You really are so adorable, my little girl, and so pretty. I'm so proud of you.
The past week has been probably one of the hardest weeks I've ever had, Isabella, but also one full of the happiest little moments. Every time I start to feel overwhelmed or like I'm doing a terrible job, I look at you, and touch you, and I know that if I can be strong for you, I have been given the best gift in the whole entire history of the world - YOU! I always believed other mommies when they said that the love you feel for your child is indescribable, unbelievably deep, and like nothing you've ever felt or experienced in your life. But now I know it, really really know it - I love you so much it hurts! In a good way though. It's the most joyful feeling and the most scary feeling in the world. I'm so scared of how much I love you - and even though it's not even possible to love you more, I do love you more every day! We have many, many weeks ahead of us to keep getting to know each other and I know that as I get more and more familiar with your little (but strong!) personality, I will keep loving you more and more. I can't wait!
Love you always and forever,
Mommy
Today you are one week old! What a week it has been! Getting to know you in the hospital was a nice adventure. I was still healing - oh boy that delivery really took it out of me. I was sore in all kinds of places, my hip hurt from pushing (or falling, we're not sure) so much that they sent a physical therapist to help me, and I felt so frustrated being so helpless - your Daddy had to help me to do everything, even just sitting up in bed! We had lots of visitors. So many people had been so anxious to meet you after all these months! You had quite the fan club. Uncle Jeremy was so happy that you came early! He had to go to Afghanistan on the 10th and he's going to be gone one whole year, so he was really hoping to be able to meet you before he left.
We were excited to bring you home - I was nervous too. And that first day and night was really, really hard. In the hospital you had been nursing really well, but when we brought you home you did not want to have anything to do with it! And you were so hungry and upset! You cried and cried and cried and we didn't know what to do. We called Grandma and Grandpa Nick and they came to help us, and we also called your pediatrician. You cried almost with no stopping for hours! All afternoon! And I could tell by how you were acting that you were so hungry! But you wouldn't nurse. I cried a lot that day - I didn't know how to make you feel better. Finally around 5pm the pediatrician told us to just give you one ounce of formula to tide you over and make sure you didn't get dehydrated. I was devastated! But she assured us that giving you just this little bit of formula from a bottle wouldn't make you never want to nurse again. Daddy went and got formula and also got a pump for me so I could still simulate nursing. He was really worried too.
Finally we got you to calm down and you finally got some rest. The next couple of days were definitely all about learning. Learning how to feed you the way you wanted, learning how to get you to sleep (we're actually still learning that...), learning how to change your diaper quickly, and learning your schedule (just when we figure it out we realize you don't really have one). Boy oh boy me and Daddy have been so tired. The days just blend together. Thank goodness for your Grandma though - she has been staying with us a lot of nights because Daddy had to go back to work on Sunday. My doctor gave us strict orders that I must get more sleep, so Grandma has been helping at night so much so that I can sleep in between your feedings.
Daddy comes home from a long night at work and feeds you and changes you too, if Grandma's not here. And when he comes home in the afternoon he takes over so I can rest a little (but there's always so many chores!). We take turns. He's just such a good Daddy. Everyone loves you so much, so even though it's hard and tiring work, we all feel so good when you're happy and content. You've been having tummy troubles, and I'm trying to figure out if it's something I'm eating that is making you have so much trouble, but I feel so sad when you're so unhappy. We have figured out that when your tummy hurts it feels good for you to sleep face down on our chest. We can't put you in the crib or bassinet that way because you might suffocate. So some nights, Daddy and I take turns sleeping with you on our chests - even if we can sleep when you sleep, it gets pretty uncomfortable to not be able to move or turn on our sides! But it's worth it, if that's the only way your tummy can feel okay enough for you to sleep. Also, you overheat really easily. So we have you in our bedroom a lot, where there's air conditioning, especially in the late afternoon when it's the hottest.
We also discovered you love sleeping in your car seat. So there are lots of pictures of you in there. It feels kind of silly to have you in there so much, but if it makes you happy then that's what we'll do!
Another thing that works is swaddling you. We all just can't get it right in terms of swaddling you with a blanket, but luckily Grandma brought a swaddling cloth that Aunty Debbie and Uncle Kevin gave us that Nya used to use, and we use that a lot. You hate it at first when we wrap you up (like a little Bean burrito!) because you love to have your hands free, but once we finish wrapping you, you're much happier. But you are so stubborn, because like Houdini, you manage to wriggle your hands up to your face eventually and we have to start all over.
You also make the funniest faces when you're just falling asleep. I love just watching you. I could stare at you for hours - if there wasn't so much other stuff to do! And you make the funniest noises. You randomly make this little squeak, and make the cutest cooing noises, and just recently you started sort of snorting like a tiny horse when you are lying on my chest - you'll breathe in deeply and then snort out the air. You sneeze a lot too but the doctor said it's nothing.
To celebrate your one week birthday Daddy took us to Zippy's for lunch. We used to go to the same Zippy's after almost every doctor's appointment while I was pregnant. It's like a tradition now. Lucky us, Daddy worked from home today - hopefully he can do that as often as possible for the day-times. At Zippy's all the waitresses said how cute you are. You really are so adorable, my little girl, and so pretty. I'm so proud of you.
The past week has been probably one of the hardest weeks I've ever had, Isabella, but also one full of the happiest little moments. Every time I start to feel overwhelmed or like I'm doing a terrible job, I look at you, and touch you, and I know that if I can be strong for you, I have been given the best gift in the whole entire history of the world - YOU! I always believed other mommies when they said that the love you feel for your child is indescribable, unbelievably deep, and like nothing you've ever felt or experienced in your life. But now I know it, really really know it - I love you so much it hurts! In a good way though. It's the most joyful feeling and the most scary feeling in the world. I'm so scared of how much I love you - and even though it's not even possible to love you more, I do love you more every day! We have many, many weeks ahead of us to keep getting to know each other and I know that as I get more and more familiar with your little (but strong!) personality, I will keep loving you more and more. I can't wait!
Love you always and forever,
Mommy
Sunday, April 10, 2011
What a journey!
Dear Isabella,
April 14th was your due date but you came into this world exactly one week early. And what a blessing you are.
Your final journey into the world was quite a struggle. It began on Tuesday, April 5th, actually. Tuesday was the last day off together alone that your Daddy and I would have and we didn't even know it. We had a check up appointment that morning and I was so uncomfortable with you growing in my belly that I joked with the doctor that we'd see her that night if I had any control over it. Little did we know...
After the appointment Daddy and I went to have lunch at Panda Express. I ate lots of vegetables! Then we went to the zoo to see the tigers. Oh boy, walking around the zoo was soooo hard! I had to walk so slow, and take lots of breaks. I felt like people stared at me like I was one of the exhibits. But the tigers were pretty cool! We got some really good pictures. I'll show you later. After the zoo we came home to rest a little, and then we went to Ruby Tuesday's for an early dinner - super early, because you were taking up so much room in my belly that I couldn't eat anything past 5pm! After Ruby Tuesday's, Daddy and I went to see Grandma and Grandpa Nick and pick up a few things that I had left at their house. Grandma took some photos of me and your Daddy and you in my belly because I had gotten so big! I'll show you those later too. I was having some contractions but nothing different than what I had been feeling all week. We sat around watching you move around in my belly - you were stretching out your legs and squirming around so much and making my belly into some pretty funny shapes!
Daddy and I came home and went to bed after watching a little T.V. It was a really nice day for us (I felt a little guilty that Orange was home alone all day and all night). Then at 12:28am (Daddy noticed the time and remembered it for the doctors just like we were taught - what a good Dad, huh?), my water broke in bed! At first I wasn't sure that's what it was - they had told us it could be a gush, or a trickle, but it was a little in between. I woke up your Daddy and told him what I thought and while I went to the bathroom to check, he started running around the house like a crazy person getting things together and getting ready to go to the hospital. He was so excited!
We got to the hospital and after they checked us out and made sure it really was the amniotic sac that had ruptured, we got into our labor and delivery room - Room 310. I wasn't really having regular contractions so they put me on a Pitocin drip to induce labor. They told us you had to be born within 48 hours to minimize the risk of infection.
When labor started, it wasn't too bad. But the contractions quickly became stronger and closer together, and I contemplated when I was going to have my epidural. The nurse told us that if we were for sure going to have one, I should be aware that at 7am is when they have all the scheduled C-sections, so the anesthesiologists would be busy between 7 and 8. At the time it was about 4:30am. I decided, why wait. They came in and put the drip in for the epidural, and suddenly the contractions didn't hurt anymore. In fact, Grandma, your Daddy, and I all took naps and I slept right through the contractions for a couple hours.
When I woke up I couldn't move my legs - definitely a weird sensation! The contractions were getting stronger, but manageable because of the epidural. The classes your Daddy and I took helped, because I knew how to breathe through the contractions and your Daddy was really helpful. I thought about our instructor, Therese, and imagined what she would suggest we try and tried to remember all the exercises we did in class. But the whole day passed and I was hardly dilating! At one point, your heart rate started to drop a little more than the doctors were comfortable with, and they had to stop the Pitocin - which stopped the dilating too! Oh man, this was taking forever! People kept calling and texting me and your Daddy to see what was going on. Abuela Balladyna was really worried and called Daddy a lot to check - it's hard for her to be so far away!
Then in the evening after they had stabilized your heart rate and restarted the Pitocin drip, the contractions started getting really, really strong! I felt like I didn't even have an epidural! The nurse would ask me on a scale of 1-10 how bad the pain was and I told her every time that it was a 10. I was dilating more but definitely not enough to push. Why didn't you want to come out??
I got to a point where I was in so much pain I was saying some pretty silly things. Like, "I can't do this, someone else has to do it for me!" and "I want to go home!" I was crying a lot. Poor Grandma and Daddy didn't know what to do to make me feel better. They just held my hands and whispered words of encouragement and that was exactly what I needed. Daddy even brushed my hair for me which felt good. What would we do without them?
Finally at about 10:30pm the doctor said that even though I wasn't dilated to 10cm (I was at 9.5), we could start pushing. I think they were worried about the stress on you because of my pain. The nurse and doctor warned me that for first time births, sometimes mommies have to push for 3 hours! But they said it probably wouldn't be that long for us.
Well, we started pushing just before 11pm on Wednesday night, and you weren't born till 1:46am on Thursday! Turns out we did push for about 3 hours!
There were some pretty scary moments during those three hours, my little girl. You had your head turned the wrong way, so you were getting stuck. My doctor had to turn your head with her hands, but she said you were so stubborn you kept turning your head back. Finally we got you turned the right way and got you to stay there. But you still didn't want to come out. They brought out the forceps and let me tell you - those things are SCARY looking. From where I was, they looked like a cross between the ice cream scoops they use at Cold Stone and giant (GIANT!) salad spoons. Daddy said he was so scared when they put those inside me to grab your head. He was scared they were going to hurt you. Every time I pushed, the doctors (they called a second one in to help, because you were taking so long to come out and it was getting a little risky) pulled and pulled with all their might. It took soooo long and so much strength from everyone in the room to get your head out. Two doctors pulling and digging around to maneuver you, Grandma and Daddy helping me push, and the nurse monitoring all our vital signs and getting things ready for when you finally came out.
Right before you came, the nurse asked the doctor if she should call the Pediatric Team. It's a team of doctors and nurses specially trained to take care of a baby right after delivery that might need some extra help. My doctor said yes right away. Grandma was scared - she and I have watched a silly amount of Discovery Health and read a lot of books on medical things and we both know it's not standard to call in that many people - in a matter of minutes, there were like 5 or 6 extra people standing there in surgical scrubs waiting to take care of you right away. Daddy was scared too, because even though he had confidence in the two doctors working on us, they were talking so quietly to each other, and the nurse had a really scared look on her face.
When you came out, you didn't cry right away and Daddy was scared. It was sort of strange - after everyone coaching me through the pushes and talking to get things ready, the room got so quiet for a couple of seconds. You were purple. But then your strong little lungs kicked in and you let out your first wail. Daddy got to cut your umbilical cord - he told me through my whole pregnancy that he didn't want to, but in the moment he was so overcome with love for you and he wanted to do everything that the experience offered. They took you away from me, and from across the room I watched them check you and make sure you were doing okay. I hated that I was so far away from you! Daddy went over with you and as soon as he started stroking your little belly you quieted down. In fact after the first couple of cries, you hardly cried at all.
Oh my goodness Isabella, you were so swollen. You weighed in at 8 pounds and 6.5 ounces and even though they thought you might need help when you first came out, you scored really high on your APGAR readings - those are scores they give when they evaluate important markers for your immediate health, like breathing, alertness, skin coloring. Finally they brought you to me and I couldn't say or think anything except I kept repeating, "Hi Baby. You're so beautiful." I was surprised at myself that I didn't cry right away but I think I was just so in awe of you, like I think I felt so much love and so much wonder that I couldn't express it in any way at all. I tried to get you to nurse because I'd heard how beneficial that is, but you were too tired. It was exhausting for everyone, especially you! Holding you to my chest that first time was one of the most wondrous moments of my life. I cried later, after they took you away to do more tests and stuff, and Daddy and I had a moment to congratulate each other.
I love your Daddy so much, and I am so grateful we have such an amazing man to take care of us. In a split second I thought about the true beginning of your journey into this world - from the days he would come into Starbucks and see me, to our first months together, to living in our first apartment, and all our friends, to last summer when we found out we were having you, to moving to our first "family" apartment where we live now, and the last couple of months. We've come a really long way in a super short amount of time and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
I didn't want to let you go but they had to take you from me again to take you to the nursery and get you all clean and warm and do some tests. While they were doing that, they took me and Daddy and Grandma to our recovery room. A much, much smaller room! When I was trying to get out of bed to go in the wheelchair to go to our room, I fell. My legs still didn't work! I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and all I had to do was stand up and turn around and sit down in the wheelchair. But as soon as I tried to stand up, even though my left leg could support me, my right leg was still completely paralyzed from the epidural and BOOM! Down I went. Daddy and Grandma rushed over to help the nurse pick me up. It certainly felt weird - it wasn't like I felt myself falling - it was like I had stepped into a hole in the floor.
When we got to the room and they got you cleaned up and tested, they brought you in to us. While we were in the hospital you stayed with us in the room most of the time. And that's how our next journey of getting to know each other began.
This path that we've found ourselves on, I'm so grateful for every step of the way, even the tough ones. You're perfect the way you are. In such a short time you've already brought such love and joy into our lives. I love you, Isabella, and I want you never to forget that
Love,
Mommy
April 14th was your due date but you came into this world exactly one week early. And what a blessing you are.
Your final journey into the world was quite a struggle. It began on Tuesday, April 5th, actually. Tuesday was the last day off together alone that your Daddy and I would have and we didn't even know it. We had a check up appointment that morning and I was so uncomfortable with you growing in my belly that I joked with the doctor that we'd see her that night if I had any control over it. Little did we know...
After the appointment Daddy and I went to have lunch at Panda Express. I ate lots of vegetables! Then we went to the zoo to see the tigers. Oh boy, walking around the zoo was soooo hard! I had to walk so slow, and take lots of breaks. I felt like people stared at me like I was one of the exhibits. But the tigers were pretty cool! We got some really good pictures. I'll show you later. After the zoo we came home to rest a little, and then we went to Ruby Tuesday's for an early dinner - super early, because you were taking up so much room in my belly that I couldn't eat anything past 5pm! After Ruby Tuesday's, Daddy and I went to see Grandma and Grandpa Nick and pick up a few things that I had left at their house. Grandma took some photos of me and your Daddy and you in my belly because I had gotten so big! I'll show you those later too. I was having some contractions but nothing different than what I had been feeling all week. We sat around watching you move around in my belly - you were stretching out your legs and squirming around so much and making my belly into some pretty funny shapes!
Daddy and I came home and went to bed after watching a little T.V. It was a really nice day for us (I felt a little guilty that Orange was home alone all day and all night). Then at 12:28am (Daddy noticed the time and remembered it for the doctors just like we were taught - what a good Dad, huh?), my water broke in bed! At first I wasn't sure that's what it was - they had told us it could be a gush, or a trickle, but it was a little in between. I woke up your Daddy and told him what I thought and while I went to the bathroom to check, he started running around the house like a crazy person getting things together and getting ready to go to the hospital. He was so excited!
We got to the hospital and after they checked us out and made sure it really was the amniotic sac that had ruptured, we got into our labor and delivery room - Room 310. I wasn't really having regular contractions so they put me on a Pitocin drip to induce labor. They told us you had to be born within 48 hours to minimize the risk of infection.
When labor started, it wasn't too bad. But the contractions quickly became stronger and closer together, and I contemplated when I was going to have my epidural. The nurse told us that if we were for sure going to have one, I should be aware that at 7am is when they have all the scheduled C-sections, so the anesthesiologists would be busy between 7 and 8. At the time it was about 4:30am. I decided, why wait. They came in and put the drip in for the epidural, and suddenly the contractions didn't hurt anymore. In fact, Grandma, your Daddy, and I all took naps and I slept right through the contractions for a couple hours.
When I woke up I couldn't move my legs - definitely a weird sensation! The contractions were getting stronger, but manageable because of the epidural. The classes your Daddy and I took helped, because I knew how to breathe through the contractions and your Daddy was really helpful. I thought about our instructor, Therese, and imagined what she would suggest we try and tried to remember all the exercises we did in class. But the whole day passed and I was hardly dilating! At one point, your heart rate started to drop a little more than the doctors were comfortable with, and they had to stop the Pitocin - which stopped the dilating too! Oh man, this was taking forever! People kept calling and texting me and your Daddy to see what was going on. Abuela Balladyna was really worried and called Daddy a lot to check - it's hard for her to be so far away!
Then in the evening after they had stabilized your heart rate and restarted the Pitocin drip, the contractions started getting really, really strong! I felt like I didn't even have an epidural! The nurse would ask me on a scale of 1-10 how bad the pain was and I told her every time that it was a 10. I was dilating more but definitely not enough to push. Why didn't you want to come out??
I got to a point where I was in so much pain I was saying some pretty silly things. Like, "I can't do this, someone else has to do it for me!" and "I want to go home!" I was crying a lot. Poor Grandma and Daddy didn't know what to do to make me feel better. They just held my hands and whispered words of encouragement and that was exactly what I needed. Daddy even brushed my hair for me which felt good. What would we do without them?
Finally at about 10:30pm the doctor said that even though I wasn't dilated to 10cm (I was at 9.5), we could start pushing. I think they were worried about the stress on you because of my pain. The nurse and doctor warned me that for first time births, sometimes mommies have to push for 3 hours! But they said it probably wouldn't be that long for us.
Well, we started pushing just before 11pm on Wednesday night, and you weren't born till 1:46am on Thursday! Turns out we did push for about 3 hours!
There were some pretty scary moments during those three hours, my little girl. You had your head turned the wrong way, so you were getting stuck. My doctor had to turn your head with her hands, but she said you were so stubborn you kept turning your head back. Finally we got you turned the right way and got you to stay there. But you still didn't want to come out. They brought out the forceps and let me tell you - those things are SCARY looking. From where I was, they looked like a cross between the ice cream scoops they use at Cold Stone and giant (GIANT!) salad spoons. Daddy said he was so scared when they put those inside me to grab your head. He was scared they were going to hurt you. Every time I pushed, the doctors (they called a second one in to help, because you were taking so long to come out and it was getting a little risky) pulled and pulled with all their might. It took soooo long and so much strength from everyone in the room to get your head out. Two doctors pulling and digging around to maneuver you, Grandma and Daddy helping me push, and the nurse monitoring all our vital signs and getting things ready for when you finally came out.
Right before you came, the nurse asked the doctor if she should call the Pediatric Team. It's a team of doctors and nurses specially trained to take care of a baby right after delivery that might need some extra help. My doctor said yes right away. Grandma was scared - she and I have watched a silly amount of Discovery Health and read a lot of books on medical things and we both know it's not standard to call in that many people - in a matter of minutes, there were like 5 or 6 extra people standing there in surgical scrubs waiting to take care of you right away. Daddy was scared too, because even though he had confidence in the two doctors working on us, they were talking so quietly to each other, and the nurse had a really scared look on her face.
When you came out, you didn't cry right away and Daddy was scared. It was sort of strange - after everyone coaching me through the pushes and talking to get things ready, the room got so quiet for a couple of seconds. You were purple. But then your strong little lungs kicked in and you let out your first wail. Daddy got to cut your umbilical cord - he told me through my whole pregnancy that he didn't want to, but in the moment he was so overcome with love for you and he wanted to do everything that the experience offered. They took you away from me, and from across the room I watched them check you and make sure you were doing okay. I hated that I was so far away from you! Daddy went over with you and as soon as he started stroking your little belly you quieted down. In fact after the first couple of cries, you hardly cried at all.
Oh my goodness Isabella, you were so swollen. You weighed in at 8 pounds and 6.5 ounces and even though they thought you might need help when you first came out, you scored really high on your APGAR readings - those are scores they give when they evaluate important markers for your immediate health, like breathing, alertness, skin coloring. Finally they brought you to me and I couldn't say or think anything except I kept repeating, "Hi Baby. You're so beautiful." I was surprised at myself that I didn't cry right away but I think I was just so in awe of you, like I think I felt so much love and so much wonder that I couldn't express it in any way at all. I tried to get you to nurse because I'd heard how beneficial that is, but you were too tired. It was exhausting for everyone, especially you! Holding you to my chest that first time was one of the most wondrous moments of my life. I cried later, after they took you away to do more tests and stuff, and Daddy and I had a moment to congratulate each other.
I love your Daddy so much, and I am so grateful we have such an amazing man to take care of us. In a split second I thought about the true beginning of your journey into this world - from the days he would come into Starbucks and see me, to our first months together, to living in our first apartment, and all our friends, to last summer when we found out we were having you, to moving to our first "family" apartment where we live now, and the last couple of months. We've come a really long way in a super short amount of time and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
I didn't want to let you go but they had to take you from me again to take you to the nursery and get you all clean and warm and do some tests. While they were doing that, they took me and Daddy and Grandma to our recovery room. A much, much smaller room! When I was trying to get out of bed to go in the wheelchair to go to our room, I fell. My legs still didn't work! I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and all I had to do was stand up and turn around and sit down in the wheelchair. But as soon as I tried to stand up, even though my left leg could support me, my right leg was still completely paralyzed from the epidural and BOOM! Down I went. Daddy and Grandma rushed over to help the nurse pick me up. It certainly felt weird - it wasn't like I felt myself falling - it was like I had stepped into a hole in the floor.
When we got to the room and they got you cleaned up and tested, they brought you in to us. While we were in the hospital you stayed with us in the room most of the time. And that's how our next journey of getting to know each other began.
This path that we've found ourselves on, I'm so grateful for every step of the way, even the tough ones. You're perfect the way you are. In such a short time you've already brought such love and joy into our lives. I love you, Isabella, and I want you never to forget that
Love,
Mommy
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