What a journey!

Dear Isabella,

April 14th was your due date but you came into this world exactly one week early. And what a blessing you are.

Your final journey into the world was quite a struggle. It began on Tuesday, April 5th, actually. Tuesday was the last day off together alone that your Daddy and I would have and we didn't even know it. We had a check up appointment that morning and I was so uncomfortable with you growing in my belly that I joked with the doctor that we'd see her that night if I had any control over it. Little did we know...

After the appointment Daddy and I went to have lunch at Panda Express. I ate lots of vegetables! Then we went to the zoo to see the tigers. Oh boy, walking around the zoo was soooo hard! I had to walk so slow, and take lots of breaks. I felt like people stared at me like I was one of the exhibits. But the tigers were pretty cool! We got some really good pictures. I'll show you later. After the zoo we came home to rest a little, and then we went to Ruby Tuesday's for an early dinner - super early, because you were taking up so much room in my belly that I couldn't eat anything past 5pm! After Ruby Tuesday's, Daddy and I went to see Grandma and Grandpa Nick and pick up a few things that I had left at their house. Grandma took some photos of me and your Daddy and you in my belly because I had gotten so big! I'll show you those later too. I was having some contractions but nothing different than what I had been feeling all week. We sat around watching you move around in my belly - you were stretching out your legs and squirming around so much and making my belly into some pretty funny shapes!

Daddy and I came home and went to bed after watching a little T.V. It was a really nice day for us (I felt a little guilty that Orange was home alone all day and all night). Then at 12:28am (Daddy noticed the time and remembered it for the doctors just like we were taught - what a good Dad, huh?), my water broke in bed! At first I wasn't sure that's what it was - they had told us it could be a gush, or a trickle, but it was a little in between. I woke up your Daddy and told him what I thought and while I went to the bathroom to check, he started running around the house like a crazy person getting things together and getting ready to go to the hospital. He was so excited!

We got to the hospital and after they checked us out and made sure it really was the amniotic sac that had ruptured, we got into our labor and delivery room - Room 310. I wasn't really having regular contractions so they put me on a Pitocin drip to induce labor. They told us you had to be born within 48 hours to minimize the risk of infection.

When labor started, it wasn't too bad. But the contractions quickly became stronger and closer together, and I contemplated when I was going to have my epidural. The nurse told us that if we were for sure going to have one, I should be aware that at 7am is when they have all the scheduled C-sections, so the anesthesiologists would be busy between 7 and 8. At the time it was about 4:30am. I decided, why wait. They came in and put the drip in for the epidural, and suddenly the contractions didn't hurt anymore. In fact, Grandma, your Daddy, and I all took naps and I slept right through the contractions for a couple hours.

When I woke up I couldn't move my legs - definitely a weird sensation! The contractions were getting stronger, but manageable because of the epidural. The classes your Daddy and I took helped, because I knew how to breathe through the contractions and your Daddy was really helpful. I thought about our instructor, Therese, and imagined what she would suggest we try and tried to remember all the exercises we did in class. But the whole day passed and I was hardly dilating! At one point, your heart rate started to drop a little more than the doctors were comfortable with, and they had to stop the Pitocin - which stopped the dilating too! Oh man, this was taking forever! People kept calling and texting me and your Daddy to see what was going on. Abuela Balladyna was really worried and called Daddy a lot to check - it's hard for her to be so far away!

Then in the evening after they had stabilized your heart rate and restarted the Pitocin drip, the contractions started getting really, really strong! I felt like I didn't even have an epidural! The nurse would ask me on a scale of 1-10 how bad the pain was and I told her every time that it was a 10. I was dilating more but definitely not enough to push. Why didn't you want to come out??

I got to a point where I was in so much pain I was saying some pretty silly things. Like, "I can't do this, someone else has to do it for me!" and "I want to go home!" I was crying a lot. Poor Grandma and Daddy didn't know what to do to make me feel better. They just held my hands and whispered words of encouragement and that was exactly what I needed. Daddy even brushed my hair for me which felt good. What would we do without them?

Finally at about 10:30pm the doctor said that even though I wasn't dilated to 10cm (I was at 9.5), we could start pushing. I think they were worried about the stress on you because of my pain. The nurse and doctor warned me that for first time births, sometimes mommies have to push for 3 hours! But they said it probably wouldn't be that long for us.

Well, we started pushing just before 11pm on Wednesday night, and you weren't born till 1:46am on Thursday! Turns out we did push for about 3 hours!

There were some pretty scary moments during those three hours, my little girl. You had your head turned the wrong way, so you were getting stuck. My doctor had to turn your head with her hands, but she said you were so stubborn you kept turning your head back. Finally we got you turned the right way and got you to stay there. But you still didn't want to come out. They brought out the forceps and let me tell you - those things are SCARY looking. From where I was, they looked like a cross between the ice cream scoops they use at Cold Stone and giant (GIANT!) salad spoons. Daddy said he was so scared when they put those inside me to grab your head. He was scared they were going to hurt you. Every time I pushed, the doctors (they called a second one in to help, because you were taking so long to come out and it was getting a little risky) pulled and pulled with all their might. It took soooo long and so much strength from everyone in the room to get your head out. Two doctors pulling and digging around to maneuver you, Grandma and Daddy helping me push, and the nurse monitoring all our vital signs and getting things ready for when you finally came out.

Right before you came, the nurse asked the doctor if she should call the Pediatric Team. It's a team of doctors and nurses specially trained to take care of a baby right after delivery that might need some extra help. My doctor said yes right away. Grandma was scared - she and I have watched a silly amount of Discovery Health and read a lot of books on medical things and we both know it's not standard to call in that many people - in a matter of minutes, there were like 5 or 6 extra people standing there in surgical scrubs waiting to take care of you right away. Daddy was scared too, because even though he had confidence in the two doctors working on us, they were talking so quietly to each other, and the nurse had a really scared look on her face.

When you came out, you didn't cry right away and Daddy was scared. It was sort of strange - after everyone coaching me through the pushes and talking to get things ready, the room got so quiet for a couple of seconds. You were purple. But then your strong little lungs kicked in and you let out your first wail. Daddy got to cut your umbilical cord - he told me through my whole pregnancy that he didn't want to, but in the moment he was so overcome with love for you and he wanted to do everything that the experience offered. They took you away from me, and from across the room I watched them check you and make sure you were doing okay. I hated that I was so far away from you! Daddy went over with you and as soon as he started stroking your little belly you quieted down. In fact after the first couple of cries, you hardly cried at all.

Oh my goodness Isabella, you were so swollen. You weighed in at 8 pounds and 6.5 ounces and even though they thought you might need help when you first came out, you scored really high on your APGAR readings - those are scores they give when they evaluate important markers for your immediate health, like breathing, alertness, skin coloring. Finally they brought you to me and I couldn't say or think anything except I kept repeating, "Hi Baby. You're so beautiful." I was surprised at myself that I didn't cry right away but I think I was just so in awe of you, like I think I felt so much love and so much wonder that I couldn't express it in any way at all. I tried to get you to nurse because I'd heard how beneficial that is, but you were too tired. It was exhausting for everyone, especially you! Holding you to my chest that first time was one of the most wondrous moments of my life. I cried later, after they took you away to do more tests and stuff, and Daddy and I had a moment to congratulate each other.

I love your Daddy so much, and I am so grateful we have such an amazing man to take care of us. In a split second I thought about the true beginning of your journey into this world - from the days he would come into Starbucks and see me, to our first months together, to living in our first apartment, and all our friends, to last summer when we found out we were having you, to moving to our first "family" apartment where we live now, and the last couple of months. We've come a really long way in a super short amount of time and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

I didn't want to let you go but they had to take you from me again to take you to the nursery and get you all clean and warm and do some tests. While they were doing that, they took me and Daddy and Grandma to our recovery room. A much, much smaller room! When I was trying to get out of bed to go in the wheelchair to go to our room, I fell. My legs still didn't work! I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and all I had to do was stand up and turn around and sit down in the wheelchair. But as soon as I tried to stand up, even though my left leg could support me, my right leg was still completely paralyzed from the epidural and BOOM! Down I went. Daddy and Grandma rushed over to help the nurse pick me up. It certainly felt weird - it wasn't like I felt myself falling - it was like I had stepped into a hole in the floor.

When we got to the room and they got you cleaned up and tested, they brought you in to us. While we were in the hospital you stayed with us in the room most of the time. And that's how our next journey of getting to know each other began.

This path that we've found ourselves on, I'm so grateful for every step of the way, even the tough ones. You're perfect the way you are. In such a short time you've already brought such love and joy into our lives. I love you, Isabella, and I want you never to forget that

Love,
Mommy